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Wellness > Sex + Relationships

A love letter to all the girls he’s loved before from the girl who loves him now

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Fairfield chapter.


I wrote this piece in order to aid the destruction of the stigma of women tearing other women down due to the glorification of a man. 

I intend this to reach an audience of women who have at times felt anxious, scared or worried in a loving relationship, out of fear of it being destroyed by their inner thoughts and feelings about  another woman from the past that they don’t even know.

 I want to help other women understand that accepting the past helps form a solid foundation and future. 

Sometimes we find ourselves comparing ourselves, our values, our lives (whatever your prerogative) to that of his ex’s. 

That ends here. 

Raise your hand if you hate your boyfriend’s ex gf or ex situationship (etc). If she has ruined his life or yours, or personally has done something vile, then TOTALLY valid. 

However, if she has not, why do we hate her? 

You’re probably thinking, “MK, what are you even saying? Why would I thank someone who my boyfriend gave himself to? Why would I want to think about him with someone else?”

Have you ever thought of appreciating the girls your boyfriend has given his heart and much more? I’m NOT saying physically thanking her or even speaking to her, but just simply deciding NOT to hate her. 

If you answered NO, as many of you will, that is understandable, but hear me out. 

Here’s the thing, from personal experience, 

We have so much anxiety in our heads and hate in our hearts for people we haven’t even met or know simply because they once cared for someone we currently care about. 

We blame our boyfriends for caring for someone else in the past, instead of celebrating his capacity for loving us. 

Listen to Taylor Swift’s “All of the girls you Loved Before”  and read this letter. 

Dear All the girls he loved before me, 

Hello! Ha, this is so awkward, I’ve looked at your social media, and you’ve 100%  stalked mine. Your friends probably hate me and thought he “downgraded” and my friends probably think you’re nuts. All slander aside, Thank you

Thank you for the fights, the good times, the lessons, and the time you shared with him. Thank you for showing him how to be patient in an argument. Thank you for helping him work through your relationship. Thank you for teaching him how to love, care, fight, and hate. Thank you for cultivating his loyalty.  Thank you for letting him go, and allowing him to grow. 

Thank you for your communication. Thank you for all you did to make him talk the way he does and treat me the way he does. Thank you for letting him in, loving him, and letting him leave. Thank you for teaching him to calm my anxiety, squeeze me extra tight, and look at me the way he does. Thank you for letting him be there for you, care for you, remember you, and for letting it be only a memory. 

Thank you for everything he isn’t anymore, and Thank you for everything he is now. 

Thank you for everything,


 The girl who loves him now 

As Taylor Swift Said, “Every woman that you knew brought you here.” Live these words. Allow yourself to appreciate the women he’s loved and been with before you. 

The women he once knew helped shape who he is, how he loves you, and how he will treat you. 

I am SO thankful for ALL of the girls he’s loved before !!!!

MK Kalenak

Fairfield '25

Hi! I'm MK Kalenak! I'm a sophomore Public Relations & Digital Journalism Major and Finance Minor at Fairfield U from PGH, PA <3