Alex and Jack – Met whilst travelling on their gap years in New Zealand, Jack studies in Cornwall whilst Alex studies here in Exeter.
Sophia and Jackson – Jackson went on his year abroad to Exeter, leaving Sophia back in South Dakota. Both now study in together in the USA.
How did you go about how often you saw each other?
Alex We always knew that we wanted to see each other at least every couple of weeks but realised that this wouldn’t always be possible. Arranging my part-time job to be every other weekend meant that I was free to go and see Jack on alternate weekends. Initially we agreed that we would take it in turns, however, as the year went on I went to Cornwall significantly more than he came to Exeter. The primary reason being Jack’s accommodation (double, ensuite – you get the jist) whereas I had joys of Old Lafrowda (paper-thin brick walls weren’t the most idyllic – loved it nonetheless!). Cornwall was simply more comfortable (added bonus of my bff being at uni there too). The journey was around 3 hours door to door and £22 (get a railcard!). Learning early on that train journeys aren’t for procrastination, meant time was never wasted.
Jack
After a summer of seeing each other almost every week, uni was an inevitable challenge. The combination of workload and social activities meant that organisation was key, not just in coordinating with each other, but regarding personal time management. We agreed to see each other every 2 weeks or less, this could vary from 1 to 3 weeks on occasions, but a three-week gap wasn’t easy by any means. Our relationship was set in the context of meeting abroad, and with spending two months apart at the start of our relationship, we weren’t unused to distance.
Jackson Coming from the other side of the Atlantic, I only saw my girlfriend twice throughout the year. Once at Christmas when I was back in the States and one other time when she visited me in Exeter for 11 days. Flying across the seas is super expensive so I consider the time we had together very fortunate. I had paid fully for my travels in Christmas, but we had split the cost of travel when she came to Exeter. We decided that instead of giving each other presents for upcoming Birthdays and Christmas that this would be where the money would go to instead.
Sophia
We were fortunate enough to be able to afford to visit each other twice throughout the year (for a couple separated for a distance like ours). Visiting Jackson during my Spring break was amazing as we travelled and experienced so many new things together.
How easy was it to trust someone living so far away?
Alex Trust is my big thing, if you can’t trust the person that you are with then you should be questioning it. Obviously at points it’s hard, like when they are on a night out and you are sat like a couch potato, binge watching some dodgy Netflix series with a coop ready meal. But it’s really important to remember that just because they are on a night out doesn’t mean something awful will happen – you can have fun separately! The scary element being you’ll both be spending time with new friends who your S.O won’t know. Therefore, I made a real effort to get to know my bf’s flat – to the point that I would happily spend time with them whilst he went to lectures etc. By becoming involved in each other’s new lives it takes away the unknown and the paranoia that goes with it. To me it’s all about a balance – let each other have the space and freedom to enjoy time spent apart, but to also make an effort to get to know that new exciting part of their life.
Jack Worries about your other half going on nights out is common in most relationships, especially when they are doing so more frequently that you. Everybody can and should be able to make time for their individual friends, but sometimes when one of you is going out more frequently or with more people, it can leave the other feeling left out or jealous. However making a conscious effort to get acquainted with their friends and peers does help, along with some healthy communication. It’s easy to become too dependent on your relationship, especially in the early stages of long term, so make sure that you have a life outside of your partner that gives you both balance.
Jackson
I found trusting my girlfriend second nature whilst I was away, there was never a doubt in my mind. However I know for Sophia this didn’t happen quite as easily due to the cultural differences between the US and the UK regarding alcohol and clubbing. In the states aged 20 you aren’t given the same equality in opportunity in terms of drinking as in the UK (unless you are fortunate enough to have a fake ID 😉 ), resulting in comparatively reduced freedom. The six-hour time difference meant that whilst I was at a club, she was enduring lectures, this was challenging for Sophia as there was always lingering FOMO.
Sophia If I’m honest, it was kind of difficult to trust Jackson on nights out as I hadn’t been on one myself, but deep down I really did trust him. Other than nights out, I never had any issues and knew he wouldn’t hurt me.
Is there anything you would’ve done differently that you feel would’ve made your long distance easier?
Alex I’m a pretty competitive person and this caused a few issues to the point where we were comparing our very different uni experiences. Exeter as a city has a lot going on compared to Falmouth, a small fishing town in Cornwall. For me, our relationship would have been much easier if I’d accepted we are both having equally as good times.
Jack
If I had to do anything different, I would have made more of an effort to get to know my partners uni friends more, allowing me peace of mind in knowing who they spent their time with. I would have also tried to arrange our call times more efficiently as schedules at uni can be very different both academically and socially.
Jackson The seven months of me living in the UK up until Sophia visiting me in March prolonged her anxiety of the unknown, once she had visited and met my friends she was much more at ease. Prior to her visiting Exeter, she would be nervous about my nights out as she had no experience of clubbing herself – let alone in the UK. Once she experienced the lit Thursdays at Fever, she realised going on the pull isn’t what it’s all about. I would recommend to anyone dating long distance to get their partner affiliated with your new life (ASAP!) in order to completely understand the situations that you get placed in, as the unknown is often the scariest.
Sophia I wish we’d had the opportunity to FaceTime more as we really did miss each other, but due to the time difference this was challenging.
What did you do to make your time apart easier?
Alex We saw each other pretty regularly for a LD couple (worked out at about every 11 days) but even the short time apart can feel never ending. Staying in touch clearly makes it a lot easier but there are so many ways to do this. For us, inane snapchat conversations got a little annoying to the point where we weren’t really talking about anything either of us were interested in. Instead we found it better to make time for each other and call so we could have proper conversations. Even if it meant only speaking once every couple of days, at least we could really talk to each other (which also really helps with the trust thing).
Jack Whilst we were used to balancing busy lives apart with our relationship (we are the same distance away at home as at uni) we knew that uni was going to be another challenge. But the key we found was communicating openly and frequently – not too frequently, but enough to keep each other in the loop. Sometimes with us going to very different unis with different dynamics meant that one of us felt ignored or disconnected, but we found that the right amount of call time if not seeing each other quickly resolved these issues. The key thing about arranging calls and FaceTiming was agreeing a time and sticking to it, something I am admittedly not always the best at.
Jackson We Facetimed about once or twice a week but were texting all the time. Most of our texts were honestly pretty bland with conversation stoppers happening left, right and centre. But this was the least of my worries. All that I cared about was seeing her name flash up on my phone. It was simply about always being there for each other.
Sophia We would always FaceTime a couple times a week, it was more frequent at the start but naturally with time it did die down. It was lovely seeing him as I missed him being home.
What’s your top tip for someone about to go into a long-distance relationship whilst at uni?
Alex My top tip for people starting uni in a long LD relationship would be ignore all those people that say they don’t work! Of course for some people it’s not right, but for a lot of people it is. People love to tell you that it won’t work, or that you are missing out on nights out, but if the relationship is right than that’s bs! I A long distance relationship can be just as fun as a ‘normal’ relationship. I loved going down to Cornwall every couple of weeks on what felt like a holiday – it gave me a break and got me out of the uni bubble. You can 100% have fun at uni and be in a LD relationship, it definitely doesn’t make your uni experience any less ‘authentic’.
Jack
Be realistic about how often you’re going to see each other, and budget how affordable travel will be. If it’s not going to work for various reasons, then it’s best discussed face to face beforehand than over the phone during a drunken moment during freshers.
Jackson I think the key to being successful in a long-distance relationship is constant communication. It doesn’t matter whether the conversation is complex or even intriguing. All that matters is that your significant other is always right there.
Sophia It’s important to make quality time for each other and try to Facetime a few times a week. Also, I think it’s important to express your feelings and remind them how much you mean to them.
Post-first year how do you feel long distance has affected your relationship?
~Alex & Jack have always been Long Distance~
Jackson
Long distance relationships are extremely hard but now that we have gone through it we have never been a better couple. We will always support each other and push each other to strive for the best even if we know that it means being away from each other. A week apart is simply nothing when we have conquered 10 months.
Sophia Long distance has made our relationship stronger. It has demonstrated to me how really special he is to me. To go a whole year with only seeing your significant other/partner in crime/lover twice really tells a lot about a relationship