If you are one of the 40 million Americans who suffers from anxiety, you may have similar frustrations about the language often used to discuss the topic. It can be difficult, and often impossible, to articulate what you may be feeling when anxiety has taken the reigns and you may be having a particularly bad day. Anxiety manifests itself differently in everyone, but it is possible to pin down the common physical symptoms that seem to range across sufferers. When I am dealing with symptoms of anxiety, there are certain combinations of words that can without a doubt push me over the edge.
- “Did I do something?”
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No. I’m sorry that the way I am acting is making you believe that. The worst thing about anxiety is that everything is taking place in your own mind. The way you perceive situations and interpret interactions impacts every single social encounter that you may have that day, and if one of those interactions is negative, as my Italian family says: “fugghedaboutit.” The rest of my day is occupied with mulling over why I said “Hello” the way that I did and whether I looked weird saying it. My worst fear is making other people feel guilty because of the way that I’m feeling, and most often the root cause of my anxiety is manifested from within my own mind, not from outside sources. So, no, it is not you.
- “Try not to worry about it too much.”
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I’m trying! Also, the way my shoulders are tensed and the way my leg cannot stop bouncing for the life of it does not feel like mere worry, to me. Anxiety does a great job at manifesting itself physically, so the inner turmoil that one is feeling does not equate to “worry.” I’ll admit, before I was properly diagnosed, I fell victim to using this evil phrase. I now realize how unhelpful and empty it is, and I apologize if I have ever let it slip out of my mouth. Also, sometimes, anxiety does not have any tangible cause, therefore it is difficult to figure out what exactly to stop worrying about.
- “Did you forget to take your medication today?”
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I can’t even begin to write about how insensitive and ignorant this one is. If it is being said as a reminder, then it is acceptable. However, if someone is acting anxious and you suggest that it is simply a symptom of them not taking their medication, it is never okay.
- “Did you go to the gym today?”
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No! I didn’t! Because I didn’t want to leave my room in fear of someone seeing my face, because I thought that I was going to pass away if anyone did! Also, my clothes feel weird against my body and I feel like my skin is crawling and I kind of can’t breathe so honestly, I feel like going to the gym might actually have been dangerous. I understand that going to the gym is a stress reliever for many, but when I am feeling at my worst, the last thing that I would like to do is be told that it will solve all of my problems.
- “Calm down.”
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No, I don’t need to calm down, thank you. Apart from the inherent ignorance embedded within these two words, there is also something infuriatingly impossible about them. When you’re deep within the throes of anxiety, this is the last thing that you want to be told and quite frankly, the last phrase that would ever help.
Some of these phrases may be said with benign intentions, but in my experience, they represent a lack of understanding of how anxiety manifests itself. Sometimes, the only combination of words that can ever help are simply: “It’s going to be okay.”