The first time I officially struggled with anxiety was in high school. My junior year, I was in an extremely unhealthy relationship and the idea that my boyfriend at the time may break up with me was heart wrenching. I had gone on vacation to Spain, and I remember I could barely breath on the plane. I was nervous being away from home, even though I was with my family, and I hated the fact that I would be away from my boyfriend. I cried the whole way there and even threw up from how anxious my body and stomach was.
After that trip and my boyfriend breaking up with me a few months later, I decided to see a therapist. It was probably one of the best experiences of my life. She helped me see how anxiety is often a flow of thoughts that come in and out of the brain; the “what-ifs.” She taught me how to evaluate why I am having anxiety and different ways to look at it and understand it.
Years later, I now know when I am anxious and what causes my anxiety. I can identify it whether it’s situational or caused by a mix of hormones. While that is extremely helpful and allows me to feel back in control, it doesn’t always help with coping. For me, situations of anxiety can last a few minutes, hours, even days. While I am able to eventually calm myself down, I’ve realized that knowing myself and my anxiety isn’t always going to help with coping.
Trying to ease anxiety is a whole different story. While these past years have taught me what to do, I still, like many people, struggle to cope. At the end of the day, I’m okay with knowing that anxiety is a part of my life and something that is hard to cope with, but I am working day by day to do my best to make myself feel better and at ease.
Anxiety is a work in progress for me and definitely something I will have for my entire life. I do not let it consume me, but I am human and I do struggle to cope.
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