"You Are Love." A Super Long Poem to Self.

You are love. 

You are the excitement you feel when you remember you made yourself peanut butter and banana overnight oats. 

You are the plugging in of your electronics when they are low. 

You are the cute pink bedsheets that make you feel happy and calm. 

You are the thankfulness when you left your heater on. 

You are the Calm Meditation radio on Pandora when you need a break. 

You are the fuzzy socks that you waited so long to buy for yourself. 

You are the words on a page. 

The missing keys on your keyboard. 

The dents in your computer. 

The sweaters hanging to dry. 

You are the string lights around your room. 

The paintings that make you come back home to yourself. 

The necklaces you rarely wear. 

The one that doesn’t leave your neck for months. Years. 

You are trial and error. 

Forgiveness and guilt. 

Sugar and tea. 

Candles and spiritual awakening. 

Almond milk and bananas, oats and peanut butter. Overnight. 

 

Image courtesy of inkflo

 

You are the act of sending pictures of rain to your sister because you know it makes her happy. 

You are the storing chapstick, motion sickness tablets, and tissue paper in your travel bag. 

You are the finding it months later and thanking your past self. 

Putting it in your bag for tomorrow. 

 

You are love. 

The energy you feel flowing through your fingertips when you really let yourself care. 

You are the furious typing sounds when you have heart to pour onto a note in your computer. 

You are the listening to the kind voice and words inside your head. Letting the negative and hurtful thoughts pass on. 

You are in giving yourself a day off. A week off. 

You are in love. 

You are love. 

 

You are in the continued typing, because you want to. 

You are the knowing of your needs. The continual search and forgiveness. 

You are the letting yourself be angry and upset. 

You are the thinking about time. 

You are the dreaming about becoming a doctor. 

You are the knowing you will have time. 

You are the imagining you. 

You are the shifting your opinion. 

You are the finding your deepest pieces of your soul. 

You are the coming back to something. 

The excitement of finding a new idea. 

The dreaming about endless possibilities. 

The allowance to call a friend when you are feeling low. 

 

The shifting your mindset away from suicide. 

The allowance to talk about it. 

The push to help others. 

You are the wind. 

You are the energy that you feel your hands sink into your body when you put them on your legs. 

You are the healing power you breath back into your body when you rub your feet. 

You are the generosity you give to the people you love with your time. 

You are the hugs that you crave. 

The hugs that you give. 

You are in the full-body embrace that you give when someone asks for a hug. 

You are the “wow you give good hugs”. 

You are the internal “I know. I love hugs.” 

 

You are the sunset pictures that live on your computer and your phone. 

The beach pictures you take, struggling to enjoy the moment, but savor it for later. 

You are the classical music that settles your soul. 

You are the R&B and old school rap that makes you want to learn the bass. 

You are funk. 

 

You are the drums that you learned to play. That you keep coming back to. 

You are in the thousands of passions you feel anxious and excited to explore. 

You are in the rebellion of feelings that crop up when someone tells you to ‘focus’. 

You are in the switching of your mind. 

The alternating passions. 

 

You are in the understanding you try to give to others. 

You are in the endless questions of “how does that work.”

You are in the shapeshifting of your mind. 

You are in the shapeshifting of your soul. 

 

You are in the in-and-out feelings of your soul into your body. 

You are in the confusion and loss that you sometimes go through within yourself. 

 

You are in a rebirth of your internal soul. 

 

You are in the coming back to yourself. The coming home. 

 

You are in the TED Talks you gobble up. The grey blankets on your bed. 

You are in the taking a break from life. 

 

The music that sits in your ears. 

The words that flow eventually. And sometimes don’t stop for days. 

 

You are in the melodies you sing. The phone recordings that you make. 

You are in the wanting to put everything you make out into the world so it stops piling up here at home. In your head. 

 

You are the feeling weird that you have a body. 

You are the feeling weird that you can think about the world, and be in it at the same time. 

 

You are in your questions of the universe. 

The theories that you fantasize about. 

The cyclical nature that defies our current understanding of how physics work. 

The subtle and bulging feeling that there has to be a way that all the theories are real. 

The little feeling inside that knows you are right. That hopes. It would be so cool. 

 

You are in the sitting close to the front row, trying not to raise your hand to speak too often. 

You are in the silence you sometimes don’t like to wait for. 

You are in the sitting in the back of a car, enjoying the window down, your loss of breath. 

 

You are in the taking screenshots of cool marketing because you want to remember it for another time. 

You are in the attempts at organizing your computer files, only to put them in a folder that says “organize”. 

 

You are in the clutter of your mind. 

The organized chaos, soon to be flooded with more ideas. 

 

You are the itchiness that comes when it is time to say ‘I’m done.”

You are the seeking of approval. 

You are the slowly but surely finding approval from yourself. 

 

You are the words you put on a page. 

You are the thoughts that flow through your fingertips. Your lips. 

 

You are in the synthesizing of information. 

Of teaching ideas and concepts. 

Of asking good questions. 

 

You are in your passions. 

You are in becoming a professor. 

 

You are in becoming a writer. 

You are in becoming a musician. A song writer. 

 

You are in becoming you. 

You are love. I’ll say it again. 

You are in love. You are love. 

 

You are in crying to harmonies and beautiful sounds. 

You are in periodically feeling like an observer of this world. 

You are in being a creator. 

 

You are in being a guest. Being at home. 

 

You are in continuing to find ways to step back into your body. 

To fill up your fingertips. To fill up your toes. To sink into every part of yourself. 

 

You are in leaving and coming home. 

 

You are the listening to piano versions of beautiful songs. 

You are in Pure Imagination. The piano version. 

 

You are in being by yourself for a while. 

You are in half-finished books. 

 

You are in guilt. Shame. Sugar. 

You are in the words and the looks that you were given that made you hide eating. 

You are in the learning to undo tradition. 

 

You are in the many questions you ask. 

The many ‘why’s’ you so eagerly give out. 

 

You are love. 

 

You are in the mornings of writing. 

The remembering why you used to do it regularly. 

You are in the days you feel you have the whole world to yourself. 

 

You are in the memories of magical movie moments. 

You are in the feeling of standing in the cold ocean with your arms spread out, the water up to your belly button. The feeling alive. 

 

You are in the off-roading of a jeep, barely missing the opportunity to scrape the car on trees to your left and right. 

You are in the adrenaline of an adventure. 

 

You are in the heartbreaks you feel when you think of past mistakes. 

You are in the heartbreaks you feel when you know you made the right decisions. 

 

You are in the not wanting to disturb another soul. 

You are in the anxiety you feel when you know you did. 

 

You are in the playing with your mind’s hair, holding it in a hug when it goes down an unhealthy path. 

You are in the reminding it of the good times, and guiding it back out of the dark feelings. You are in friends and family telling you that thoughts are just clouds passing. 

Leaves passing in a river. 

You are on the bank, looking at the water. You do not have to participate within dark feelings. Within the clouds. Within the leaves. 

You can let them float by. 

 

You are in the wanting to make sure you give all the clouds and leaves a chance.

The confusion of what is worthy. 

 

You are in the overthinking about overthinking. 

The meta parts of life. 

 

You are in the feeling at home when you talk to another soul. 

You are in the feeling of comfort and euphoria when you get to discover something with someone else. Through words, through digging into the unspoken. 

 

You are in words. 

 

You are in feeling so happy to put your brain on paper. 

 

You are love. 

You are in love. 

You are love.