I'm Tired. And It's Okay.

I am tired of feeling swirly. I am tired of feeling bad about myself … for knowing my potential but not feeling like I am fulfilling it. 

My eyes are sagging. My speech is a little slower today. A few people have asked me, “Are you tired?” and after our meeting sent me away with a “Go take a nap if you need to!” I, in turn, answered, “I can’t! I have to get some things done today!” 

But guess what. I didn’t get a whole lot done today. Or at least it doesn’t feel like it. So much more is piling up in my mind than what feels like is leaving it. My head is clogged up. 

I am writing this… wondering if I should skip the rest of my day and go home, or chug along through. I’m also wondering if this overall feeling of ‘blah’ is the weather’s gloomy mood today, if it’s a short spell of depression coming toward me, or if it’s my inner voice just being mean to me. ‘You are not good enough.’

But now I sink back into my chair …. I breathe. I write. I pause. 

I step back into a view a bit farther. I get out of the mind moment I am in. I remember that college and the business I am creating … all the thoughts that are fluttering into my mind … they are all but pieces on my journey. 

Each piece is not a whole in itself. It is but a piece of the whole.

I texted the following to a few friends recently, a note I was reminding myself of too: 

“I was just thinking about this for myself and wanted to text you. A little reminder about how school is just ONE little part of our journeys and a tiny part of all that we are doing in our worlds and in our heads. School is just a tool to help us dig in and develop what is already there in us. It isn’t the sole label of our identities right now or ever. YOU ARE A RAD HUMAN ALL ON YOUR OWN AND HAVE ALL THE GOOD STUFF ALREADY THERE IN YOU.” 

I end up writing myself these little notes a lot. And I send them to my friends when I can. 

About two years ago, I was going through such a tough time in my head and life. I needed so much extra encouragement throughout my days. I started shifting my habits a bit to try and gain control over my life and build internal happiness.

I started going to the gym more often to clear my head. I started meditating more too. 

Through this time, I found a funny little trick that worked well. I started a little text thread to myself and would text myself the miles, timing, and calories from my workout. With it, I also wrote little things like, “You go lil P!” or “Today wasn’t the best workout you’ve done this week, but you went to the gym still and I am so proud of you for that.” 

Writing myself encouragement notes about the gym also turned into encouragement notes about my day. I took the 2018/2019 ‘self-love’ movement to heart and started to try being nicer to myself. 

Phrases to practice…

I saw this great list a few weeks ago about changing the phrasing within your head. Prakhar Verma shares 7 phrase changes (pictured below) to think about in his article called, “How To Develop A Non-Judgemental Attitude To Live More Peacefully”. Definitely worth the read. The biggest takeaway here is: 

It is okay if you are tired. It is okay if you are frustrated with your goals not happening as fast as you imagined they would. 

We are ALLOWED to be our own advocate throughout our day. We are ALLOWED to be dorky cheerleaders for our own lives. 

We can try different things that might help us deal with our days. We can give up sometimes and just sleep for a bit. We can give ourselves breaks. We can breathe. We can sink into the big picture when we need to. 

Rock on with your tired self. XOXO