Understanding learned helplessness and practical strategies to overcome self-doubt and reclaim your confidence.
Breaking Free from Learned Helplessness: A Guide to Reclaiming Control
Ever felt stuck—like you just wanted to disappear or restart with a clean slate? We all have at some point. When life throws challenges at us, some of us struggle to face them, not because we lack strength, but because we don’t believe in our ability to overcome them. This mindset stems from a psychological phenomenon known as learned helplessness.
What is Learned Helplessness?
According to the American Psychological Association (2018), learned helplessness is “a phenomenon in which repeated exposure to uncontrollable stressors results in individuals failing to use any control options that may later become available.” In simple terms, it’s the belief that we are incapable of changing our circumstances because past experiences have reinforced that feeling of powerlessness.
Often, this mindset develops in childhood. Overindulgent parents, for instance, may unintentionally foster learned helplessness by doing tasks for their child that the child is capable of handling independently. This leads to a reliance on others and a lack of confidence in one’s own abilities.
Take Caroline, for example—a girl raised by overprotective parents who never let her explore parks on her own. Instead of allowing her to walk, they always carried her. As she grew up, she became conditioned to seek their help in every aspect of her life, believing she wasn’t capable of doing things independently. So, when faced with adversity, she didn’t know how to confront it—leading to helplessness.
This cycle of helplessness can spiral further:
1. Facing a challenge
2. Feeling powerless to overcome it
3. Failing to take action
4. Encountering further setbacks
5. Reinforcing the belief that we are incapable
But here’s the good news: this cycle can be broken. Since learned helplessness is deeply rooted in our belief system, changing how we think can help us regain control.
How to Overcome Learned Helplessness
Here are three mindset shifts that have helped me break free from helplessness and take charge of my life:
1. Replace Pessimism with Optimism
The moment I notice myself slipping into a spiral of negative thoughts, I consciously force positive affirmations into my mind—no matter how difficult it feels. I choose to reframe my perspective, reminding myself that I can tackle challenges and that everything will work out.
2. Replace Permanence with Transience
Earlier, whenever I faced failure, I believed I would never recover from it. But time and experience have taught me that nothing is permanent. Every situation—good or bad—is temporary. Now, whenever fear or doubt creeps in, I remind myself: This too shall pass.
3. Replace Overloading with Unloading
When overwhelmed, we tend to flood our minds with unnecessary thoughts. Just this morning, I caught myself spiralling from a minor worry into a whirlwind of fake, unpleasant scenarios. When I realized what I was doing, I paused and asked myself: Is this worth all the mental turmoil? The answer was no. So, instead of drowning in overthinking, I shifted my focus—whether by listening to soothing music, taking a walk, napping, or calling a friend.
Professional Treatment for Learned Helplessness
If self-help strategies aren’t enough, professional interventions can provide effective relief. The most commonly recommended therapy for learned helplessness is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which focuses on changing negative thought patterns and reinforcing positive behaviours.
Additionally, mindfulness techniques can increase self-awareness and reduce anxiety. Personally, I practice grounding exercises like deep breathing, meditation (even if just for three minutes), and reconnecting with nature.
No matter how strong the storm is, you are stronger. You are capable, resilient, and braver than you think. The key to overcoming helplessness lies in changing your beliefs—because once you start believing in yourself, there’s nothing you can’t achieve.