It’s interesting that the hours routine for sleeping are also the hours when minds tend to wander the most. As our bodies sink into the mattress with relief after a long and physically exhausting day, our brains decide that this is the perfect moment to worry about random embarrassing moments. For instance, April 24, 2013 when I returned a wave to someone, but they were waving to the person behind me. In the midst of a busy college lifestyle, there are a million other things that I should be worrying about, yet this is what my mind spends time ruminating about.
From the perspective of someone who suffers from extreme anxiety, these small nightly worries can lead to what I call, “worry black holes,” that make me feel like the world is crashing down around me. One bad night’s rest can cause days of unbalance. Some days my anxiety comes in the form of a slight headache or irritability, but other days it comes in shaking, shortness of breath, and an unbearable pain in my chest. Years of dealing with this and it still takes a lot of mental power to remind myself that everything is okay: the walls really aren’t closing and my heart is not actually bursting. Did I used to think that my anxiety episodes made me crazy? Yes. Am I crazy? No. There are so many other people who deal with stress and anxiety- whether it is an extreme or a mild case. Everyone has their own personal stresses and different anxiety triggers. For some, college work is a breeze, but socializing can create a pit in their stomach that makes them nauseous. Others spend their days laughing with friends and can be involved in every group on campus, but when it comes to academics, the idea of an exam or paper causes sweaty palms and nausea.
It can be incredibly valuable to have a support system, because when you struggle with making it through a day, it can be more mentally draining to be surrounded by people who don’t understand your mental health. When someone around you has an unhealthy lifestyle, mentally and physically, it can be contagious. This emotional siphoning can also occur when you are with someone who lives a healthy lifestyle. It is okay to feel anxious or depressed, but it isn’t okay for someone to push away your problems, or create more. College is a time to learn who falls on the unhealthy or healthy side for personal mental and physical health. While you can still be supportive to those around you, It is a time where I’ve learned it is okay to sit back, take a breath, and think “is this person good for my well-being?” When we are constantly bombarded with assignments, exams, papers, organizations, and jobs, negative energy is the last thing anyone needs. This is fortunately a time in which mental health is no longer an unmentionable topic, with more people willing to listen.
I still struggle a lot with my mental health and I have to remind myself that I have come a long way in the many years I have battled anxiety. Taking a night to myself to listen to music, clean, and then watch a few episodes of my current Netflix obsession are some of the ways I’ve navigated my mental health journey. I used to feel guilty for taking this time to myself, but I’ve come to realize how necessary it is for my well-being. Instead of sitting and waiting for an anxiety episode to pass, I have started working out to release all the anxiety that is building up inside of me. Unfortunately, just because these specific things may work for me, they may not work for you. It takes time to discover what helps you overcome stress and anxiety and it is okay to take your time in doing so. This said, as you find your coping strategies, remember these things: support systems are important, take your time, and do not compare your healing to someone else’s. Last but not least, your anxiety does not define who you are!