I’m not sure if the final semester of college always involves reminiscing about everything. But as the last four years of your experiences come to an end, a part of you looks back on everything, acknowledging your growth, maturity, and how you want to spend your time.
When I first came to Boulder, I was overwhelmed with fitting in. One part of college culture is going out. In my freshman and sophomore years, this meant going to frat parties. In high school, we did not have parties close to what I experienced when I went out in Boulder. In the beginning, while reluctant, I still went, as it was a huge part of the social culture, and I didn’t want to lose any chances or miss out on the “college experience.”
Something about drinking and going to a frat house, being crowded by strangers, the stress of having to find my way back home living in a single dorm, and the other possibilities that risked my safety made it difficult to let my guard down. Going out felt more like a task I needed to complete instead of something that was supposed to be fun.
For a while, I thought something was wrong with me. Seeing everyone on social media post about their nights out and how consistent they were made me think I wasn’t doing enough. I failed to realize that social media is not always an accurate representation of real life and that I needed to stop comparing myself, as it was a false narrative.
I wondered when it would become easier to be comfortable with the decision to skip a night out. This took a long time, and in the beginning, I couldn’t help but think that I was a loser for not wanting to do the same things as others or for wanting a night in.
But as I’ve grown, and become more aware of my wants and needs, I reached a point where I didn’t even mind that I was missing out. Of course, the thoughts are always there, but I’ve learned to redirect them to a place of taking in the present and what I chose to do instead. And to breathe, inhaling the comfort I felt through staying home, exhaling the stress I would’ve felt if I didn’t listen to myself.