It’s Okay Not To Be Okay

Holy quarantine! Holy mental health! This year has definitely taken a toll on all of us. I already didn’t have 20/20 vision, but this year really proved that haha.

Let’s talk about mental health. I love that the topic of mental health is becoming more prevalent and talked about than it ever has before! There are so many resources out there and people who are willing to share about their own personal journey.

A little about me:

• Sophomore business college student. 

• In a relationship.

• Older sister to a 5 year old.

Obviously, there’s more about me, but why did I only mention those three facts? Personally my own mental health shows up in those three areas: a student, girlfriend and sister. That is what defines me- that’s what I do all day. Feelings are hard. They are so hard to navigate and to be honest, it will never get figured out. I don’t even know myself. Growing up, I have learned to walk on eggshells to make other people happy because if I didn’t I would get in trouble or be judged. In turn, now it has impacted me negatively as I continue to please people and suppress my feelings. I have blocked out bad memories because I learned to forget and forgive. It was okay to hurt myself, if that meant I didn’t have to hurt others. Reflecting now, that hurts. That really hurts. 

Quarantine 2020 has allowed me to have more time to think because what else is there to do around the house. I am used to going about my day, always keeping myself busy to avoid ~thinking~. Now that I have more time to think, old feelings are starting to come up. I have cried, I have screamed, I have procrastinated just to lay in bed a little bit longer… I have lost motivation. Who am I? Who have I become? How did I get myself like this? Everything felt so right until everything possible has gone wrong: exam scores, relationships, even myself.

I have good news. There comes to a point when you are tired of feeling tired. I have started to pick up a modified routine that I used to have before sh*t hit the fan. I am exercising, drinking more water, choosing healthier food and most importantly GOING OUTSIDE. I have been using online school as an excuse to not go outside because there is no real need. Wrong. It’s definitely a MUST to look at the pretty skies and get fresh air. I have also decided to seek therapy. It’s only once a month, but I figured it’s already paid for through the school, so I should use it. It doesn’t hurt to get more help. Over the years many people have told me that therapy is so helpful even if you don’t think you need it. I thought I could handle it all by myself because well I have been conditioned to do it all by myself. From my one session of therapy, it has helped me realize areas of improvement and how things are the way they are. I wanted to go to therapy because I realized I was hurting my relationships with my family, friends and boyfriend by not going. I’m expecting more than what the people close to me can give me for my mental health. So in turn, I seek professional help because they are trained to give me what I need. I’m also looking for volunteer opportunities again. In high school, I worked with Project Helping- a company that believes in the connection between mental health and volunteering. I truly believe it. I love volunteering so much! These are the few things that I’m trying to do to get back on my feet.

The point is, it’s okay not to be okay. *cue High School Musical* We’re all in this together! 

• exercise
• mental health
• quarantine
• relationships
• routine
• therapy
• volunteer