It sounds cliché, but I have always been a perfectionist. Ever since I was in elementary school, I expected nothing but the best from myself—and I quickly realized this meant that other people expected the best from me as well. Because of the pressure I faced, both external and internal, I hated the idea of doing something halfway.
Doing things “perfectly” got increasingly difficult as I got older. As my responsibilities grew in intensity, I should have given myself more grace for not completing them perfectly, but instead, I doubled down. I would get unreasonably frustrated with myself for messing up even the smallest things. Holding myself to this standard of perfection was not only unrealistic, it was impossible, so I fell into a loop of either doing something completely right or not doing it at all.
A few weeks ago, I burst into tears during a therapy session because of how overwhelmed I was feeling. I rambled to my therapist about how my messy room was stressing me out, and my landlord was coming over in just a few hours, so I wouldn’t have time to clean it all, which was so embarrassing.
After giving me a moment to recover, my therapist gently suggested that I set a timer for 15 minutes. During that time, I would clean up as much as I could, but when the timer went off, I had to stop. I was skeptical at first; there was no way I could clean my whole room in 15 minutes (it was a full-on depression room…if you know, you know). But I decided to give it a try. I made my bed, picked the laundry off the floor, and took the dirty dishes to the kitchen. When the timer went off, I was shocked at how much better my room looked (and how much better I felt). Was it perfect? No, but it didn’t need to be.
Besides the 15 minute timer trick, here are some ways I am challenging myself to do things halfway:
- go to an event for 10 minutes.
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For introverts like me, going out can be like a chore. Sometimes I just don’t have the mental energy to spend hours with my friends, even though I may want to. I’m working on going to events for just a few minutes, assessing how I feel, and then being okay with making a decision after that.
- run the dishwasher twice.
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This story went viral a couple years ago and completely changed my outlook on doing chores. Basically, a woman told her therapist that doing the dishes was overwhelming because she didn’t have the energy to hand-wash them, and her dishwasher wasn’t strong enough to clean them well either. Instead of criticizing her, her therapist simply told her to “run the dishwasher twice.” Sure, it’s unconventional, but there aren’t any rules saying you can only run the dishwasher once! And this can apply to any other task that feels daunting.
- accept average grades.
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This one is really, really hard for me. Throughout elementary and middle school, I was able to get good grades with little effort. In high school and college, though, that started to change. I was failing tests and getting low grades on assignments all over the place, which was very frustrating and disappointing. I’m slowly learning to be okay if I don’t ace every assignment. There’s nothing wrong with a few B’s or C’s.
- prioritize!
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This one is for all of my fellow overachievers. I know we don’t like to hear it, but we CANNOT do everything. We may want to load up our schedules with work, school, and extracurriculars, but doing that when we don’t feel prepared will just lead to a cycle of burnout. Take some time to think about what is most important to you, and budget your time and energy accordingly. It is okay to let some things go, and you aren’t a failure if you have to quit something to take care of yourself.
Honestly, I’m still not super comfortable doing things halfway. In an ideal world, I would do everything to the best of my ability. But the reality is that I am an imperfect human being, like everyone else, and doing things halfway is certainly better than not doing them at all. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, the world is scary right now. We are not living through normal times, so we should not be expected to be our normal, productive selves. Doing things halfway is perfectly fine, and it’s important to be gentle with yourself if things don’t go the way you planned.