To keep the tradition of one of our past member’s most popular article, we’ve put our dignity aside and asked a group of male University of Colorado, Boulder students, some of our closest and dearest friends, their takes on relationships, sex, and the female gender. Their identities remain anonymous – but their answers are open for your consideration, entertainment, or objections.
Remember that these answers are from a small subset of the CU male population and cannot be attributed to the general student body. Though you should take these responses with a grain of salt, we hope they can provide some insight into the complexity — or lack thereof — of a college boy’s mind.
You sent in the questions. We asked them. Now, let’s get to what you’ve been waiting for: their answers.
HCCU: How much do men care about looks/weight?
Boy 1: Don’t care unless it’s really like a true outlier, but this doesn’t really happen too often.
Boy 2: Enough to be the largest deciding factor to if she’s physically attractive or not.
Boy 3: Looks: a decent amount. It isn’t a dealbreaker by any means, but at the end of the day you want your partner to be somebody you are attracted to. I guess weight is factored into that attraction, but it certainly isn’t the primary determinant
Boy 4: Men as a whole care a lot. For some reason they believe a lot more in that “marketplace” idea than one would initially expect. They desire to be matched with the highest that they can “attain”/pull.
Boy 5: Most men care quite a bit about how they look. If you walk into a gym, I’d say that <90% of the men working out there are motivated by improving their looks and physique. Not to mention the whole "looks maxing" trend that has blown up purely based off of this insecurity.
Boy 6: This depends.
HCCU: What is the sexiest thing a woman can do?
Boy 1: Be able to laugh with me/have a sense of humility.
Boy 2: Be direct and ask me to do something for her, don’t beat around the bush and expect me to pick up on super subtle hints. Be direct and tell me what you want, assertion = attraction.
Boy 3: Show affection and love out of nowhere. Random acts of kindness like getting me a small gift because they thought I would like it. Also, initiating sex.
Boy 4: Be curious and interested in what their partner has to say and reciprocate affection. Not just “take take take” I guess.
Boy 5: Have unconditional passion about something and confidence in it. Whether it be a hobby, or their career I find it extremely attractive for a woman to enjoy something so much that they don’t give a f*ck about what others think.
Boy 6: Be herself and not care what other people think.
HCCU: Do you think women have too high of expectations when it comes to a partner?
Boy 1: Nah we’re at college, the bar is on the floor.
Boy 2: In the current dating pool yes, but it’s important to have high expectations as a man or woman. But taller than 6 foot and making a 100k+ a year and rich family and funny and kind and ripped and will never cheat? That’s ridiculous, like genuinely 0.1% of all men. Also ask yourself (this applies to men or women) do you really deserve that person being the person that you currently are?
Boy 3: I think everybody — men, women, whoever else — has entirely unrealistic expectations and part of growing up and dating and everything is realizing how unrealistic those expectations are.
Boy 4: Not entirely.
Boy 5: I think women can be very idealistic in the sense that they might have a list of fairly high expectations in their head, but when they develop an emotional connection with someone they can forgive many short-comings. That being said, there is a roughly equal percentage of women that have too low of expectations or are too forgiving for disrespectful behavior.
Boy 6: No.
HCCU: Why do some men find it cringe to be affectionate towards their significant other?
Boy 1: Can’t let the fellas see.
Boy 2: I don’t at all, but some men are insecure and fear a woman will eventually just throw it all back in his face, which isn’t all that unreasonable.
Boy 3: I don’t feel this way, but in my experience as a man, there are definitely a lot of people who do. I think it stems from our societal expectations of masculinity and how it is very hard to present as both masculine and vulnerable in our culture. Most of this seems to happen in group settings. When presented with the choice between the two, some men would rather offend their girlfriend by not being affectionate instead of having their guy friends regard them as weaker or less masculine for openly showing affection.
Boy 4: They’re embarrassed to be around them.
Boy 5: Being affectionate is vulnerable and many men have had at least one experience where a woman has exploited this vulnerability. It’s also an internal coping mechanism, “If I don’t show affection, then I can convince myself that this person doesn’t have that much influence on me, so I won’t be heartbroken if this relationship fails.”
Boy 6: Because they might care how others perceive them.
HCCU: How would you ask a girl out “in the wild?”
Boy 1: Probably compliment her outfit first. Then, if she decides to chat with me, just wedge in the question.
Boy 2: Start by making natural conversation and then transition into asking when she’s free and that you would like to see her again. Don’t be overly complimentary, but throw in a “gosh you’re so pretty” every once a while.
Boy 3: I wouldn’t because I have a girlfriend. But if I didn’t, I would probably approach them when they are alone, but appear to be open to conversation. I would engage in a respectful conversation with them and then eventually, if I think they are attractive and mentally sound, I would probably ask if they wanted to go to dinner or something.
Boy 4: I wouldn’t.
Boy 5: I would have a conversation with them and see if something sparks up. Depending on the setting, if I feel like there’s a nice and fluid connection I might ask them out or test the waters to see if they’re looking for someone.
Boy 6: Complimenting them and an awesome pick-up line (have to practice that one beforehand).
HCCU: What did you wish your girlfriend did more?
Boy 1: I don’t have a girlfriend.
Boy 2: I do not have one, but when I did, I wished she randomly texted and called more. I always liked hearing from her, even if it was stupid.
Boy 3: Honestly, nothing. I don’t have any complaints
Boy 4: Be more understanding of my time and how I’m using it.
Boy 5: I wish she was more selfish. Although it sounds counter intuitive (and a little cheesy), I like doing things that my girlfriend enjoys. Whether it be where we’re deciding to eat or planning out a road trip, sometimes I just want my girlfriend to be like ‘We have to go here.’ Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s incredibly sweet that she prioritizes the activities I enjoy, but I also want her to be more adamant about what she wants because I like finding out more about her.
Boy 6: N/A
HCCU: When a guy ends things with the excuse of “it’s just not the right time right now” or “I’m just so busy right now” or something of that similar vibe, are they being real or just making excuses for not liking you? And if they are just making excuses, why can’t they just be honest?
Boy 1: Making excuses. It’s just a lot easier for the guy to say even if it’s a sh*tty excuse, it just takes a lot off of our shoulders.
Boy 2: 9/10 times it’s an excuse and it’s because they are immature. They want the serious things like sex and emotional intimacy, but want to be casual about it — that’s not how it works. They’re not making excuses for not liking you because a guy wouldn’t talk to you if he didn’t like you. But they’re definitely making excuses for not thinking you’re worth it enough to put the genuine effort into changing as a person and taking things seriously. They can be honest, but it would be soul crushing for the woman to hear she’s not worth the effort. They’d prefer the easy way out by using an excuse.
Boy 3: Either one, depends on the scenario. A lot of times it seems like it is a combination of both it not being the right time and it not being the right person. If you find yourself attracted enough to somebody (both on a physical and emotional level) you will date them if given the opportunity, regardless of extenuating circumstances. HOWEVER, when there is something that feels instinctively wrong about it or about the girl, you start trying to think of reasons in your head as to why it wouldn’t work, which eventually leads to the situation you described. I feel like a lot of the time it isn’t necessarily about not being honest, but more about not wanting to hurt any feelings and a lot of the time it’s a lot easier to dance around the truth than to look somebody in the face and tell them “I don’t like you and I don’t want to date you.”
Boy 4: Combination of both. Especially right now, we all don’t have that much time in college, but it is most definitely an excuse to stop seeing that person and let them off easier than just flat out saying they don’t fw them.
Boy 5: [No response given]
Boy 6: I think it’s a combination of both. It can be difficult for some guys to be honest.
HCCU: Do men care about hair down there?
Boy 1: Nah
Boy 2: No because I have it too. Keep it trimmed and groomed though because that’s what I do too. Like you can have hair that’s totally fine (attractive even), but it can’t be, like, insanely long and gross though. I hold myself to the same standard.
Boy 3: A little, it definitely makes going down a lot easier when there is less hair, but there is by no means an expectation of clean shaven-ness. For my girlfriend and I, a general rule of thumb is we both keep ourselves somewhat tidy and clean but understand.
Boy 4: Not really, unless it’s a crazy unkempt amount (like it reaches up to the stomach area) or if it smells.
Boy 5: Yes, but men have hair absolutely everywhere, so it can be hard to notice when it’s a good time to trim the hedges. Generally though, guys know that the thicker the foliage, the shorter the tree appears and that is something that no man wants.
Boy 6: No
HCCU: Thoughts on girls making the first move?
Boy 1: I’d buy the ring the same day.
Boy 2: Like it, love it, totally here for it. Please do it more often because a guy (unless in a relationship or a weirdo) is almost never gonna turn down any advances if he’s into you.
Boy 3: LIT. PLEASE DO.
Boy 4: Very attractive and sometimes a little scary as that usually doesn’t happen to most dudes.
Boy 5: Hot, if done the right way. Asking the question too abruptly or if the mood isn’t right can feel awkward, but being asked out by anyone is still a confidence boost even if we don’t see it going any further.
Boy 6: Bold.
HCCU: Why do men cheat when they have a good woman?
Boy 1: I’ve never been in this situation so can’t really comment on it.
Boy 2: Because some men are not disciplined/intelligent enough to control urges and they’re willing to do that to a woman. Men who were raised by strong mothers don’t even have the thought of cheating cross their mind, the thought of doing that to another person, let alone a woman you love, is so insane. If a man cheats, he isn’t much of a man, he is a slave to his own urges and emotions.
Boy 3: Idk, I’ve never cheated. One of my toxic friends in high school said, “I cheat on my girl because if I feel bad about it after I know I still love her” which is a bunch of BS.
Boy 4: They’re bored/they don’t have the courage to end things with the person in the committed relationship. Kinda like “having your cake and eating it too.”
Boy 5: Impulsivity and horniness are some of the things that cause it to happen with many guys at the moment, but it really stems from insecurity. A lot of men attribute their value to their sex appeal and there is a common trend in masculinity where more bodies = higher valued man. I would guess that most men who cheat do it regardless of how amazing the person they’re dating is because, in their head, romance and sex don’t coelles as much as it might for women.
Boy 6: Malice and malevolence.
HCCU: Opinions on dating apps/the male experience on dating apps?
Boy 1: Awful. Genuinely awful unless you’re a rich do*che.
Boy 2: I mean, a single girl is always gonna have more options than a single guy, that’s just how it works. What is annoying though, is matching with somebody and just never ever getting a response or never having it lead anywhere, even though you think you kinda like her. Also paying for everything all the time gets old pretty quick.
Boy 3: Never used them. I think dating app culture in general is toxic because it promotes surface level interaction and nothing more.
Boy 4: They’re all basically a “pay to win” scheme on the male aspect unless you’re in the top 10% of dudes. That being said, it’s a good way to meet new people.
Boy 5: As said before, many men attribute their value to their sexual desirability. Dating apps turn this up to the extreme. If you’re really attractive then you’ll have an over inflated view on your desirability as a dating partner, but if you’re below ,or even average, then you’ll under-attribute your dateability. I would say that on average, women are more selective on dating apps than men and there is a large ratio of men to women on dating apps. These combined with an algorithm that sorts people by the frequency they’re swiped on can drastically skew men’s perception of reality.
Boy 6: How to compare yourself to others.
HCCU: Favorite date ideas?
Boy 1: Making them dinner or skiing/snowboarding.
Boy 2: Arcade, thrifting, mall, picnic, anything involving deep conversations.
Boy 3: Movies, a nice dinner, honestly just anything we can do together and both enjoy
Boy 4: Bowling, pho, tea/coffee, cat cafe, arcade, study together (same class or club), dance class.
Boy 5: Something outdoorsy if the weather is nice. More generally though, something that involves a common interest or a set of independent interests that you and your partner have. For example, if a guy likes to cook and a girl likes hiking then you could hike to a secret spot for a picnic with food that you both cooked together.
Boy 6: Quality time.
HCCU: Is it more important for you to ensure you finish or to make your partner finish?
Boy 1: Partner. 100%.
Boy 2: Equally important — I want us both to finish; that’s the point of sex, not gonna lie. But sometimes, if I’m in the mood more than she is, I want to finish and vice versa if she’s in the mood more than me. It’s about being equal on the long-run timeline.
Boy 3: Making her finish should be a key part of you finishing yourself.
Boy 4: It’s more important to make my partner finish, personally.
Boy 5: My partner without a doubt. I can get that sh*t done by myself, but I get a feeling of pride and accomplishment when I make my partner orgasm. I also think it is indicative of the relationship as a whole. If a guy doesn’t want to put in the effort to help his girlfriend finish, then what’s to say he’ll put in the effort in other matters that don’t benefit him.
Boy 6: Finish what? A book? Homework? What?
There you have it folks — these are what the boys in our lives have to say about love, sex, and the female gender. Remember that these are just the opinions of six boys, which means some boys may have differing opinions. Our biggest takeaways from this? Boys like it when a girl makes the first move, and they’re just as frustrated about the dating scene as you probably are.
As you can see, some of the boys took some of these questions a bit less seriously than others (we are looking at you #6). But, isn’t that reflective of how different men think? While there were some definite answers, a lot of their responses depended on the guy. So, as you take this information to your next male encounter — know that they don’t all think the same (contrary to popular belief).