Well, my dearest Her Campus readers, you asked, and I listened. After last year’s article’s popularity and controversy, I took the questions you had for men about relationships, sex, porn, and everything in between and headed out again to answer the hard-hitting, serious journalistic questions–like what a man really thinks about women’s pubic hair.
Last year, I asked your questions to my (now) ex-boyfriend. When it was published, two of my closest guy friends immediately objected to his responses and told me they should have asked them instead. So this year, they were gracious enough to answer the questions submitted anonymously by HCCU members and other college women.
And let’s just say–the answers I got this year were more authentic, more honest, and a whole less scripted-sounding than what I got last year. So without further ado, sit back and enjoy—or don’t—what these men have to say in response to your questions.
Please note that these questions are mostly surrounding male-identifying/female-identifying romantic relationships. This most definitely shouldn’t be accepted as the “norm,” but simply is the result of the questions asked and the sexual orientation of the men interviewed. These responses are not meant to be taken as advice but rather as opinions.
Relationships
HCCU: How often do you think about your exes? Does it depend if it was a clean or messy breakup?
Man X: Not that often, maybe like once a month, and no, not really.
Man Y: Uhhh, I’d say depends on the circumstances. You know how sometimes in the month of your anniversary or like you see something on Instagram? I’d say all in all, probably think about an ex like once a week but not always in a romantic way sometimes she’d just pop up in my head the same way thinking about elementary school pops up in my head. Like “Oh my god I just thought of my fifth-grade teacher”, the same thing…”Oh my god, I just thought of my ex”.
X: Wait–your fifth-grade teacher is your ex?
Y: No, stop. You know what I mean.
HCCU: Do you wish that your partner would get you flowers?
Y: Yeah.
X: Uh, not flowers because I’m allergic, but like other things every once in a while is pretty nice.
Y: I think it’s nice to know that that person is thinking about you.
HCCU: What’s with the ghosting? Why do you think a guy would ghost?
X: ‘Cause sometimes we forget and we’re really stupid.
Y: Yeah we’re stupid, but, OK. I don’t ghost, but I’m a big fan of the fizzle. But sometimes the fizzle ends up being a little bit steep for one side of it. Which, I know makes me sound like an asshole but honestly, I would prefer a mutual fizzle as opposed to the girl being like “Yeah I don’t like you”. So that’s why I do it. Cause it’s like, yeah it’s a difficult conversation to have and I’m a little bit of a b*tch but I also feel like [fizzling] saves her feelings too.
HCCU: Do guys feel bad when they’re sh*tty to girls, or do they just move on?
Y: Oh, I feel bad. Especially if you have friends that are girls and they like, talk about it, and tell you what you did was bad.
X:I feel really terrible. If we’re aware, we feel bad.
HCCU: In “When Harry Met Sally,” Harry explains to Sally that men and women can’t ever truly be friends because even if guys have friends who they don’t think are attractive, they still want to sleep with them. How often, on average, do you want to sleep with women you are friends with? Can you be friends with a girl without wanting to f*ck her?
Y: I was talking with my buddy about this. So, generally, we feel like it goes one of two ways. Guys will automatically assume all friends that are girls wanna f*ck and girls will assume none of their guy friends wanna f*ck. So, polar opposites there.
I think that it depends entirely on the circumstances in which the friendship was formed. If a guy was hitting on you and then you friend-zoned him, you can’t ever truly be friends because then he’s constantly gonna have this back of his mind, like “Oh my god I really like this girl but she friend-zoned the h*ll out of me”.
So if you ever dated or hooked up with the person, you can’t ever truly be friends with them again. It’s all circumstantial. But if you go into a friendship with a girl with the idea that it’s just a friendship and there’s no expectation of sex, it’s totally platonic and that’s fine. You just can’t go back after crossing that line.
X: I think [that idea] is based on the old patriarchal notion that put men in a place of power, and long story short, I think that no matter the circumstances, you can still be friends. It might be an awkward friendship, but I don’t know. I don’t think about my friends that are girls. That’s not how it works for me.
Love and Attraction
HCCU: Most attractive trait in a woman?
Y: I think a smile on a girl immediately is like (explosion noises with his mouth). And then personality-wise, if she’s funny and gets along with a lot of different people, that’s also super hot.
X: I think a girl’s laugh is the most important thing. The funnier the laugh, the more attractive. I love a good laugh.
HCCU: Do you think it’s attractive if a girl approaches you? Or starts a conversation with you?
Y: Yes, I think it’s hot. It would immediately make me think “Oh wow, she knows what she wants”, which is a super attractive trait. But I’ve never dated or talked to someone seriously who asked me out first. So I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or if not great women for me are making the first move or what. But the moral of the story is yes, if you like a guy, make the first move.
X: 10/10 appreciate it when a woman approaches me to start a conversation it takes a lot of pressure off the men to start the conversations and take the reins of every single thing in a relationship.
HCCU: Most intimidating thing in a woman?
Y: So, I would say when a woman is cold towards me, ’cause then it just makes me feel self-conscious of everything I’m doing. When she feeds into the chase, when she gives and she takes cause she wants me to pursue her more.
X: I think I might have to agree there. But I don’t know.
Y: Women are automatically scary.
X: I’m not physically intimidated by women, but–oh, I figured it out. When they play with your brain. In any way shape or form when women play with your mind, that’s usually really scary.
Y: Oh, yeah. I usually can’t tell when it’s happening.
X: That’s the problem. It’s terrifying.
HCCU: Do you care more about personality or looks? What about your peers?
Y: I’d say looks definitely get the foot in the door but after like the first date it’s all about personality.
X: I’m on the personality train. Looks are a great bonus but if you don’t have a good personality from the get-go then I’m completely and totally unattracted and uninterested in that person.
HCCU: What deters you from making a move on a girl you know, are friends with, and/or like?
Y: Okay, I feel like it’s different for all of these scenarios. Just a girl that I know, what deters me from making a move? Well, sometimes she has a boyfriend. I’m just kidding. But not really.
I would say first off if she’s cold towards me. If a girl is not flirty back I’m not gonna make a move because that’s uncomfortable for the both of us. A girl I know, like if I was madly in love with (gestures to the women present during the interview) one of you guys or something.
That made it really awkward, um…
I would say it’s just ruining the friendship. I think that friends are really important and messing up a potential relationship is not worth it.
X: I think the only thing I would add to that is that I don’t wanna come across as a creep in any situation.
Y: See I don’t mind that. Just joking, just joking, again.
Sex
HCCU: Serious pube preference?
Y: I clean up so I would prefer if it was cleaned up but I really don’t care.
X: I’m in the same boat. Like I’m trimmed, I trim myself regularly, I manscape, I prefer if my partner also landscapes but if they don’t, like, oh well, as long as they’re clean.
Y: Sex is sex.
HCCU: When you’re hooking up with a woman do you expect her to orgasm?
Y: If we’re in a relationship, yeah. That’s the goal.
X: Is it the expectation? No. Vaginas are challenging. But you know what? A man works his hardest.
Y: I feel like it’s the goal though, I feel bad if she doesn’t.
X: I think sometimes yes but also in the same vein, sometimes women just don’t orgasm from sex and that’s okay as long as they’ve enjoyed it.
HCCU: Biggest turn-on?
Y: Her making any move at all.
X: I agree. A girl making the first move is a huge turn-on.
HCCU: Does watching porn affect your future relationship?
Y: I would say it absolutely affects your relationships. Me and my friend had a great conversation about this one, though. Within the past couple of months, I’ve stopped watching porn completely because I feel like it does have a negative impact on my relationships with women, especially romantically.
Just because when I do it I feel like there’s an expectation and goal there just because of the negative image porn puts into your head, whereas when I don’t put that into my head I feel like I have a much clearer sense of what I’m after.
Also, it forces me to actually make a move and go after women because when you watch porn and jerk off, you have this false reality of “kind of sex” going on in your head because it’s the same chemical reaction with porn like “oh my god I orgasmed. Dopamine!” But like, when you do that stuff with real people, it changes things up a little bit and makes it more human.
X: I don’t necessarily think that porn has to have a negative impact on a relationship as long as you know what your partner wants and you’re consistently communicating throughout the entire experience with your partner. Like what feels good, what doesn’t, what they’re enjoying, what they’re not enjoying, what they want, but ultimately personally I’m neutral to it.
HCCU: Do you care about virginity?
Y: I don’t care as in it’s like not a negative thing. But I don’t know, I’m pretty reserved, I don’t sleep around with a lot of people. If a girl goes with the flow and has sex with a lot of people, of course, I don’t take issue with her or that, and I’d get along with her, but I don’t know if I’d readily and seriously date someone who chooses to do that right up until we started dating. I have no issue if she was like that and has since changed doing that a little bit, but I’m just not that kind of person.
X: I think it’s something I’d like to know, not because I care about it, but because it just changes the way I would go about having sex with this person.
HCCU: Do guys get as insecure as girls do with sex? About body hair, body image, etc.?
Y: I had no idea women got insecure about that during sex.
X: I mean, I’m really insecure about that shit during sex so I assume women also are so I don’t know. I’m not a woman.
HCCU: When I look at a man and a woman (in a relationship), arguably, I always think the woman is hotter. Arguably, I always think I’m hotter than any man I’m dating. I’m curious–do you think the woman is hotter than you, or you’re hotter than the woman?
Y: I’ve never gone out with a woman who was not hotter than me.
X: I 110% think women are hotter than me all the time.
Final takeaways, girlies: men think you’re hotter than them too, and maybe we should suck it up and make the first move next time.
I’m graduating next semester, which means my time with the His Campus Chronicles has come to an end, but who knows? Maybe one of you lovely readers will take on the responsibility next year. But for now, Man X, Man Y, and myself are signing off. Good luck out there.