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Do you consider yourself to be a people pleaser? Have you previously been in an abusive relationship? If so, now is the time to heal from your codependency issues, which many of us struggle with. Here are some simple tips you can use to cutivate a healthier mindset after being in a codependent relationship.

Validate your feelings

People with codependency issues often invalidate their own emotions and feelings in order to please others. You must learn to love and soothe yourself, so if you feel yourself feeling sad, angry or upset you can validate those feelings and allow yourself feel it completely. Then, in addressing why you feel this way and how you can fix it, your own happiness becomes your own responsiblitiy and is not dependent on others. Not everyone has to agree with how you feel all the time and validate your emotions.

Create healthy boundaries

As a self-loving person, you have to create boundaries with the people in your life and stick up for what is okay and not okay with you. You also do not need to “fix” people and take on other people’s problems as your own, like you may have been expected to do in your codependent relationship. Sometimes, being empathetic like this is not a good trait because you end up spending too much of your time concerned with matters that aren’t relevant to you. This often happens to a degree where you forget to focus on yourself. People who have experienced codependency neglect our own needs and wants to please others, which is toxic and unhealthy. This also includes letting people do things that hurt you and violate your boundaries. It might be uncomfortable setting your boundaries, but it’s what needs to happen in order to truly love and respect yourself.

Accept that you cannot change others

If someone is disrespecting you or violating your boundaries, you have every right to let go of this relationship and remove this person from your life. You do not need to worry about every person liking you. Always seeking validation from others can not sustain you. Validation needs to come from within, from the realization that you are enough. Standing up for yourself and what you need is the most self-loving thing one can do.

I hope these tips helped you!

Inspired by this video from Stephanie Lyn Coaching.

Katie Bursack

CU Boulder '20

Katie is a senior who loves good vegan food, cute cats, and being outside in the gorgeous Colorado weather.
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