I don’t think it would be a stretch to say, or to assume, that most of us have experienced this feeling at some point in our lives. That gnawing and undeniable feeling of guilt that builds up with every passing second when you’re not working on an assignment or studying for an exam – it’s absolutely debilitating, to say the least. There’s that constant thought of “I should be working” whenever I’m taking a few moments to step away from an assignment that is giving me a lot of difficulty. This is why I’ve often found myself pushing through difficult assignments, which never ends up working in the long-run because I inevitably end up feeling burned out by the end of the week. And, honestly, it’s gotten to the point where I feel unproductive the moment I start indulging in one of my hobbies. For instance, I love video editing, but the reason I haven’t properly invested time in it in months is simply because I’d get the nagging feeling that I was doing something “wrong” or “unproductive” by not studying for once.
This has been an issue I’ve been dealing with for as long as I can remember, but it never occurred to me to question it. Where does this guilt come from? Why do I feel the need to constantly be working? Why do I unconsciously consider the time I invest into my hobbies a “waste”? Until recently, I truthfully hadn’t thought to consider these questions. As it turns out, the answers I’ve come up with have helped me to learn how to take “guilt-free” breaks. I’m not perfect at it by any means, but I’d say there’s been some improvement since before I entered college.
exploring the “why”
Firstly, let’s talk about societal pressure. We all deal with it to some degree and we all hate it. One significant form of societal pressure is familial pressure. However, there is also a sense of pressure that builds when you’re around people who seem to devote their entire lives to stressing about their studies (might be a slight exaggeration, but you get the point I’m trying to make).
Personally, most of the pressure I feel to perform well academically comes from my family: the last thing I ever want to do is disappoint them. There is also a part of me that has internalized this pressure so deeply that even when no one is watching, I still feel like I’m being evaluated. I constantly feel like I’m falling behind in one aspect or another.
Another factor that has contributed to this type of mindset is definitely hustle culture. I think there has been a general shift towards promoting a good work-life balance, but what has also tied into the whole concept of hustle culture for me is the environment I find myself in as a pre-med student. Granted, it has been emphasized by my advisors and upperclassmen that we shouldn’t take on too much because medical schools look for consistency and experiences that actually hold some sort of value to us, but it’s still difficult to not compare myself to others. Especially when I come across videos online that say something along the lines of “if you are a pre-med student, this is what you should be doing over break if you want to get into medical school!” Now, while I understand the purpose of such videos, it’s enough to make me feel as if I’m truly not doing enough even though I’m only in my first year of college.
Hustle culture is a huge issue because it attempts to paint the idea that the busier you are, the more successful you’ll be. Do I like to keep myself busy? Sometimes. Though, I suspect the reason for that may be the way my subconscious equates self-worth with success, which is the exact kind of mindset hustle culture tends to promote. It’s not good, it’s not healthy, and it’s absolutely not what I want to spend the rest of my life doing. A good work-life balance is what we all need. In order to have a good work-life balance, the ability to take guilt-free breaks is a must. So, how does one take a break without feeling like the world is ending just because they’re not getting some academic or professional work done?
“guilt-free breaks”: what’s the method?
I feel the need to stress that I am not a professional at taking guilt-free breaks. However, I have learned over time that a lot of the guilt that arises during my attempts to relax comes from my thought process. Or, to put it plainly, how my brain defines “productivity.” I mentioned previously that I haven’t properly indulged in my hobbies in a while, and that’s because I viewed pursuing my hobbies over my studies as “a waste of time.” Therefore, I’ve realized that I need to redefine what counts as “valid time,” and teach my brain that time away from work doesn’t automatically mean failure.
One thing I’ve found myself doing is setting tiny boundaries. What do I mean by this? Let’s say that I get through one part of an assignment, and that alone takes me a little over an hour. I could tell myself, “Okay, twenty minutes, then I’ll get back to it.” This alone makes a huge difference because I’m taking a moment to pause and tell myself I’ll be taking a break for a specific amount of time. If my breaks feel more structured and intentional overall, I feel less of that guilt.
What I also like to do is physically write down the very next thing I need to do. This may seem a little contradictory, but by doing this, I’m able to ensure my brain doesn’t spend the entirety of my break thinking about unfinished tasks. In conjunction with this, I also try to do something that actually feels like a break. If I’m not doing something that completely pulls me out of work-mode, then the break really isn’t a break at all. For example, a walk is always a great way that I’m able to clear my mind a bit and recharge.
Now, this is probably the most important part: it’s not a skill I’ve completely mastered yet, but I try to remind myself that my downtime is not wasted time. If anything, it’s the complete opposite! Why try to brute force my way through a task when I can just take a break, recharge, and come back with a clear mind? Nine times out of ten, I’ll be able to get that task done faster after that break than I would’ve gotten it done by forcing myself through it.
One more thing: recently, I’ve noticed that if I’m hanging out with friends, the guilt eases almost automatically. Essentially, I’m using “social permission” whenever I can… and I can carry that over into my solo breaks if I actively tell myself that it’s okay to rest, okay to enjoy, and most definitely okay to just be.
the takeaway?
So, yes, I am still very much figuring this out. I still catch myself feeling guilty for doing absolutely nothing, or for spending an hour video editing instead of studying. But taking breaks, letting myself rest, spending time with friends, and diving into something I love isn’t a failure. We’re all allowed to take a step back and enjoy life while still chasing our goals.
I think the hardest part by far about this seemingly perpetual feeling of guilt is giving yourself the permission to step away, breathe, and just exist without constantly working. Once you do grant that permission, though, you come back to your work with a clearer focus and a little more patience with yourself.