When it comes to loving ourselves, self-care is a crucial part of maintaining our own health and overall well-being. It is also arguably the most important thing we can do in order to maintain a healthy relationship with ourselves. However, I feel like I too often find that the definition of self-care that we really deserve is often reduced to a “fun” and “wholesome” concept that boils down to just treating ourselves instead of practicing self-love in its fullest.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t treat yourself, and my intention is certainly not to invalidate the experience of indulging every once in a while. Instead, I want to shed light on the truth that you deserve to pursue the best version of yourself. Just as a romantic relationship is so much more than flowers and chocolates, self-care is so much more than putting on a face mask and watching your favorite comfort movie. More often than not, self-care is about practicing a little bit of tough love.
Self-care means pushing yourself outside your comfort zone sometimes. It means taking on a little responsibility and making hard sacrifices. It’s making that phone call you’ve been putting off for two weeks, going outside because you haven’t left the house in days or brushing your teeth even though you really, really don’t feel like you have the energy to do it. It’s remembering to stay hydrated, and it’s eating healthy but not beating yourself when you decide to go for that slice of cake you really want.
When big tasks are too overwhelming, make do with smaller ones. If cleaning your entire room is too daunting, then try just making your bed. If going out for a run is too anxiety-inducing, then go for a walk or sit in the sun for a bit. If brushing your teeth for the whole two minutes seems like too much, make do with thirty seconds. Any of these tasks done impartially are better than avoided altogether.
The “fun” parts of self-care and the “tough love” parts aren’t mutually exclusive, either. For me, making time to watch my favorite comfort shows or read my favorite books gives me the courage I need to call and apologize to the friends who have been worried about me because I haven’t been in touch. Doodling cute cartoons helps me to focus and concentrate on lectures in the classroom when my mind seems to be racing all over the place. Listening to music helps to block out all the bad thoughts and finally concentrate on that paper I desperately need to get started. Bath bombs make me feel fun and sparkly and confident (plus, I bathed!).
So yes, self-care is more than just fluff and butterflies, but it’s not kicking yourself into overdrive and burning out either. Go take that bubble bath, but remember that self-care is something you should be doing every day, not just when you feel like you deserve a reward, because you deserve so much more than that.