This semester, I took my required LFIT class, and it was both damaging and helpful to my mental health. For today’s post, I’m going to go through my LFIT experience – the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.
Let’s start with the good. As a sophomore taking an LFIT, I definitely wasn’t as insecure as I would have been as a first-year. Last year, I was so in my head and worried I wouldn’t get the quintessential “college experience.” As a sophomore, I’ve really found a home at UNC, and I’m much more comfortable with who I am. I wasn’t as nervous going into the class, because I wasn’t nervous about UNC. I also took racquet sports, and for the most part, the class had a relaxed atmosphere. We focused on three sports – tennis, badminton, and racquetball. There were varying degrees of skill throughout my class, which was reassuring, considering I definitely wasn’t the most skilled at tennis. Once I got to know my classmates, I fell into a pretty easy camaraderie with them. I’m always shy when classes start, but I eventually found my place. Lastly, I loved having a set time in my schedule for exercising. As we all know by now, our schedules can be super busy, and when we do have time for exercising, it can be hard to find the motivation. With an LFIT, my exercise was scheduled into my week, and I felt more productive and healthy because of it.
Now, let’s get into the bad. Unfortunately, there’s a lot.
As someone who has struggled with my weight and body image my whole life, I already had a pretty high anxiety level going in, and it never fully went away. While I made friends and the class wasn’t too competitive, every class I was worried about my skill level, how I looked in my leggings, etc. Even though it was great to have that exercise, I would much rather just go to a fitness class at the SRC with a bunch of people I don’t know than see the same people twice a week for racquet sports. Once I start getting to know people, I start caring about what they think of me, so it was hard to not let my insecurities creep back.
Next up are the labs. This semester, we had five labs to do, one of which was repeated twice. Three of the five labs really triggered me. First up is the fitness test. For this lab, we weigh ourselves, get our BMI, and then do push-ups, curl-ups, sit-and-reach, and a step test to get a level of fitness. Logically, I know that this is all to get a base level of fitness and then compare by the end of the year, but wow, did I feel sh*tty both times we did this. As mentioned before, I’ve always struggled with my weight and accepting my body. If I was just doing those tests by myself with no one watching, I wouldn’t have had an issue. But doing them in front of people? My anxiety shot up. I was nervous the whole semester leading up to the lab, and when the day did come, I felt insecure about my weight, BMI, and fitness level. Even when I did well with my curl-ups and push-ups, I still felt judged. The thing is, I know that some (or all) of this is in my head, and that people weren’t constantly judging me. But it doesn’t matter that they weren’t. What matters is that I felt insecure, anxious and judged. Putting my numbers into a computer and being told that I’m “well below average” and overweight didn’t do great things for my already delicate self-esteem that day. By the end of the lab, I was so relieved. Relieved that I finally got it over with, relieved that the class was almost done, and relieved that I could go back to my dorm, a safe space away from my insecurities and anxieties.
The second lab that was really triggering for me was the second lab of the semester. On the first day of class, the instructor that oversaw all LFIT sections acknowledged that this lab could be triggering, and that there was an alternative assignment that could be completed instead. Let me tell you, that alternative assignment? Still really triggering. The second lab was all about tracking our food intake and nutrition. While the instructors both emphasized that we shouldn’t focus on our caloric intake, that’s easier said than done. This last summer, I had some disordered eating behaviors. I didn’t have a full-on eating disorder, but I religiously tracked my calories, would limit myself to way under 2000 calories a day, and would feel a deep sense of guilt every time I went over my goal. When I broke my work out schedule, I felt so ashamed. So by the time the second lab was rolling around, I was just getting back to feeling okay for eating a healthy amount of calories. Both versions of the lab had us tracking what we ate for a week, something I obsessed over during the summer. This lab made all my bad eating behaviors rear their ugly head, and I felt so bad about myself for the duration of the week.
My LFIT experience was a mixed bag. I met some really great people and felt good about exercising regularly every week. But the assignments were triggering for me and I always had a baseline of anxiety. If UNC wants to improve the class, they must take more precautions for mental health. I’m glad I took LFIT my sophomore year. I did always have a base level of anxiety about the class, but I was able to have fun. I don’t know if I could have done that as a first-year. At the end of the day, LFIT is a required class for everyone. I hope your experience is better than mine. If you do struggle with body image issues and disordered eating habits, I would recommend that you take this when you feel strong and ready. I might have struggled with the class, but I made it to the other side, and I’m proud that I saw it through.