Welcome back to my article series guys! If you’re a new reader, this is a series that gives a detailed depiction of my “love life” as I have grown throughout my adolescence. In addition to this being a continuation of the series itself, it is also a continuation of the story of Tyler, who was my first EVERYTHING. Before we got into the story of Tyler and I’s relationship, we discussed Jordan, Dylan, and Damon. Now as much as I hate to admit this, each of these boys has played some major roles in my life. As each of these disastrous relationships came to a tragic end, I learned some pretty sizeable lessons. You may have noticed that the names are highlighted pink, if you click on the names, the link will take you straight to that article.
Now, let’s get into the day I lost my virginity.
As a young girl who had always paid close attention to the media and would binge on teen-romance movies, I had this glorified image of how I would lose my virginity. For a long time, I believed that my first time would be just like the movies. Candles lit, rose petals sprawled across the bed and a customized playlist full of sex and love songs just for me. I also thought I would be losing it to someone who I was with for longer than six months. Unfortunately, it was the complete opposite.
While I had known Tyler for a couple of months before I lost my virginity to him, we weren’t anything serious, at least not in my eyes. I was still communicating and hanging out with other boys and didn’t really intend on having sex with him. As I’ve mentioned in the previous article, I wasn’t too fond of Tyler, he was annoying. I’m not sure why it happened, but there was one day where I decided that I should let my guard down and actually give him a chance, and before I knew it, I was head over heels for him. Within the blink of an eye, we decided to make it official.
Tyler and I had been together for no longer than two weeks when I decided to have sex with him, and while it wasn’t planned, I knew it was going to happen. It went down during one summer night, my parents had decided to go out to a concert, giving me a good two hours of having the house to myself. I sent him a text letting him know that the coast was clear and he was there in less than fifteen minutes. I know this because I had spent that whole time apprehensively, glancing at the clock and chewing on my already stubby fingernails.
When he got there, we did what we normally did, laughed, “argued” and engaged in play fighting. He picked on me for watching ‘The Vampire Diaries’ and I yelled at him for changing the TV to Naruto without asking. About thirty minutes had passed and I started to get even more anxious than I already was, so, I decided that I needed to initiate the big bang. Tyler and I had been sexual before, but it was nothing like this. This time he was more careful. He paid attention. Everything he did before the actual sex was perfect, he knew just how to get me warmed up, and I don’t think I had ever felt anything that good.
Before we started to have sex, he got up, locked the door and turned off the lights. The only light we had was the dim hue from the slideshow that was playing on my TV. He pulled out the golden wrapper and slid the condom on as I laid on my back, waiting. He climbed on top of me and tried to get everything going but, it was refusing to go in. Since that wasn’t working he told me to flip over because maybe it would go in easier, right? I don’t know what I thought losing my virginity would feel like, but I didn’t imagine it feeling like this! It felt like a metal pole was splitting me in half, tearing me apart from the INSIDE inch by inch. I had never felt a pain so excruciating in my life. He did everything he could to make me comfortable, he constantly asked if I was okay and would stop whenever he thought I looked like I was in pain.
What had felt like a million years was only fifteen minutes, and it was over. I had finally done it, I felt like a woman.
At this point, I had felt so unstoppable and confident, no one could tell me anything about myself! I truly thought I knew it all. Losing my virginity was one of the most life-changing/invigorating experiences and I don’t think I would change it for the world. I’m content with the choice that I made.
I wish I could tell you all that there was some kind of happy ending to Tyler and our relationship, but there isn’t. In the next article, I will be discussing how the rest of our relationship went and what it’s taught me.