Almost a year ago, I looked in the mirror and realized something had to change.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t trying or didn’t have goals—I’ve always cared about my education, friendships, and building a future for myself. But somehow, I was losing sight of myself. I didn’t notice it at first, but over time, I’d started giving so much of my energy and mental space to thoughts about men. Whether it was dating, relationships, or worrying about what someone thought of me, it all added up.
And let’s be honest, being in your twenties doesn’t make it any easier.
There’s this constant pressure to have everything figured out. We’re told that these are supposed to be the best years of our lives, but at the same time, we’re juggling school, work, friendships, and figuring out who we are. It’s overwhelming, and sometimes, it feels like no matter how much we do, it’s never enough.
I wasn’t unhappy, exactly. But I wasn’t truly happy either. My days felt like they were missing something—like I was living for everyone but myself.
That realization was scary, but it also woke me up.
I started making small changes. At first, it was as simple as reminding myself that my value wasn’t tied to someone else’s opinion. Then, it became about setting boundaries—not just with others but with myself. I stopped letting men take up so much space in my mind. That doesn’t mean I stopped dating or caring about love; it just means I stopped centering it.
Instead, I began focusing on me.
I leaned into my passions. I threw myself into my education and started saying yes to things that scared me, but felt right. I began appreciating the little victories—getting a great grade, trying a new hobby, or just spending a Saturday morning listening to music and journaling.
The biggest change? I started building a stronger relationship with myself.
For so long, I’d measured my worth by external things—what someone thought of me, how I looked, or whether I was “doing enough.” But over this past year, I’ve learned to let go of those expectations. I’ve started to see myself as enough, just as I am.
And while I was doing that, something amazing happened: my relationships with my friends and family started to thrive. I stopped overthinking everything, and instead, I poured my energy into the people who really matter. My friendships became deeper and more meaningful. My family and I grew closer, and I finally allowed myself to lean on them in ways I hadn’t before.
Even my anxiety, which used to feel like this constant, heavy cloud, began to lift. It didn’t disappear overnight, but little by little, it got better. By focusing on the things I could control—my choices, my mindset, my energy—I found moments of calm where there used to be chaos.
Now, almost a year later, I feel like a completely different person.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still figuring things out. I still have moments of doubt or days when old habits creep in. But for the first time in my life, I feel grounded. I feel like my life is truly mine—not shaped by what someone else wants or expects, but by what makes me happy.
And to every woman reading this, especially if you’re in your twenties: I want you to know that you can feel this way, too.
Decentralizing men isn’t about rejecting love or relationships—it’s about recognizing that your life doesn’t need to revolve around them. You don’t have to prove your worth to anyone. You are already enough, just as you are.
Start small. Maybe it’s saying no to something that drains you or saying yes to something that excites you. Maybe it’s carving out time for yourself to journal, take a walk, or reconnect with a passion you’ve put on hold.
Your twenties are messy, complicated, and full of growth. They’re a time to figure out who you are and to build a life that reflects your dreams—not someone else’s.
I’m so grateful for the version of me who decided to take that first step almost a year ago. And I promise, if you choose yourself, you’ll thank yourself too.
This is your time. You’ve got this.