Falling In Love With Movement Again

As a former gymnast, I’ve been trying to chase the same high I used to get from my time competing and practicing 5 times a week for 4 hours a day. I’ve been chasing that feeling since I quit three years ago. I miss being in the air, I miss the rush of adrenaline in my body, I miss performing, and I even miss the leotards. I take classes like barre, pilates, and spin. I am also a part of the Momentum Dance team on campus. Sometimes, that still doesn’t feel like enough. But this year, I think I’ve finally found my passion and love for movement again. 

I was first inspired to write this article on August 5th. I had just ended my barre class, and was about to grab my car keys and shoes. After every class, I usually have a nice buzz of adrenaline still lingering on my palms, head, and sometimes ears. But this time, everything felt different. That day, I’d been so stressed before the class and had this tight ball of emotions in my chest. My period was approaching, and I just wanted to cry all day. I craved some kind of extreme spiritual release. And I found it.

I had slipped on my shoes, and had my car key around my ring finger. I was seconds away from scrolling on my phone quickly before leaving but something in me decided against it. I looked around at the women exiting my class. Most of them were familiar faces, but that day I had chosen a slower paced ‘focus’ class. The women were older, but the way they spoke to each other was exactly the same as girls my age. I heard choruses of “Hi girly!” and “You were doing so great in there!”. I love the connections I get to see in my exercise classes, and the ones I get to make. Watching that interaction was one of those things that made me feel even more connected to the class, and it let my inner yarn ball of feelings unravel. As I walked towards my car, I texted myself (my version of a Notes app). I reminded myself why I love to exercise, why I love my instructors and the people I get to see. I typed, “I feel the love of those 20 women in that class surrounding me, and I am so grateful”. 

Exactly one month later, on September 5th, I had the same craving for movement. It felt bigger this time. I deeply missed the tumbling aspect from gymnastics, and was also nervous to see if I had even retained any of my skills. My partner took me to the trampoline park in Chico, (Rare Air if you’re interested in going). I was ecstatic. While trampoline parks are now mostly reserved as birthday party locations for toddlers, I occasionally still go and treat it as a personal test. Will my now mostly developed frontal lobe stop me from throwing backflips and full twists? Or can I still tap into my old skills? 

We signed up for an hour, and after 15 minutes, I was shocked. I could still do basically everything I used to do from ages 5-17. I realized that I hadn’t changed as much as I thought I had. My confidence in myself had grown. This was one of the most amazing epiphanies I’ve ever had. I realized that exercise and movement shouldn’t be dependent on your expectations from years ago; it shouldn’t be about your desire for the results of the workout. It’s about finding love in what you’re doing and feeling it in your body, mind, and soul. 

• exercise classes
• health
• mental health