A couple Wednesdays ago, after downing a coffee at 7 p.m., I found myself simultaneously walking on the treadmill, editing a video for social media, and turning in an assignment on Canvas. Between the caffeine, the rumble of the treadmill, and the rush of checking things off the to-do list, I felt electric. With only about 30 minutes to get everything done before I had to head out for a late-night play rehearsal, I figured this was the best and only way to use my time.
Last Monday, I found myself trying to enjoy a book in bed, when I realized that I could be even more productive if I simultaneously uploaded some videos for the movie I’m editing. One hand struggling to hold the book, the other tapping through endless footage, brain not sure what it was processing, I was able to make the most of my relaxing night. I barely even noticed that I wasn’t resting.Â
I feel guilty every time I watch TV, and even worse when I’m scrolling on my phone. I feel grateful for the drive I have to be productive, but when does it end? I honestly don’t know. On days I have nothing going on, I schedule out my life sometimes down to fifteen-minute increments, ensuring that none of the tasks spinning around in my head will be left out.Â
I do this because I feel uncomfortable relaxing. When I try to just sit and enjoy myself, I can’t help feeling like there’s something else I should do. This turns my rest time into guilt time, and that’s not very restful at all.
I bring this up because I doubt I’m the only one feeling this way. Productivity culture has gotten out of hand, and as much as I enjoy watching videos of people “locking in” and achieving all their hopes and dreams, it’s simply unrealistic to live like you’re on the inside of a 5 a.m. grindset TikTok.Â
I don’t know how to stop these feelings of guilt and constantly measuring against those more successful online, but I did try something different this past weekend.Â
I found myself a Saturday afternoon with no plans, and instead of scheduling every second to maximize my day off, I just took a day off. I went for a stroll in the park, watching a couple leaves fall from mostly green trees, not worrying about my pace, or the fact that I was walking instead of running. I listened to a podcast I enjoyed, rather than one that would educate me or “advance” my brain. I picked up Chipotle and made peace with the fact that I was eating out despite there being food in my fridge. And finally, I binge watched TV for the next six hours. It was a wonderful day.
I obviously can’t live like that every single day, but I do think it’s a good practice for when I’m feeling burnt out, guilty about productivity, or just plain-old tired. I gave myself the gift of recognizing that I’m a person beyond productivity, and it may sound dramatic for a day I spent watching TV, but I felt like it reminded me of my simple humanity. It’s the plainest truth that I constantly have to remind myself of, but we’re allowed to do things just because we want to.