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How to Keep Your Sex Life Great in a Long-Term Relationship

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Cal Poly chapter.

Being in a long-term relationship, especially in college, is kind of a big deal. You are surrounded by the “hookup culture” (which is not at all a bad thing!), and serious, long-term relationships seem to be few and far between. There are, however, some great aspects to being in a long-term relationship in college, such as having a great support system when things get rough, having a built-in best friend to get dinner with, and all the other amazing things that come with having a significant other. While all of these things are great, one thing that can get lost in the cracks is your sex life. Sex plays an important role in every successful relationship, and college is definitely a place where sex can either be rampant or rarely happen at all. And while your sex life is probably fantastic at the start of your relationship, many people report that it tends to fizzle out as the “honeymoon phase” comes to an end. While maintaining a super active sex life in college, surrounded by the whirl of a million other things you’re doing, can be difficult, it’s absolutely doable, and there are ways you can make it happen. 

Communicate with your partner

If your sex life has just not been where you want it to be lately, for whatever reason, talk to your partner! If you are feeling like your sex life has fizzled out, they likely are too. Talking to them about your concerns leads to greater trust in the relationship and will likely lead to you and your partner finding a way to fit sex into your schedules better. Communicating can also lead to better sex in general, as it can create more fiery passion for sex and could potentially bring your relationship back to “honeymoon phase” levels!

Make note of each other’s schedules

Ok, so, admittedly it sounds kind of ~cheesy~ to “schedule sex”, but seriously, it can help! Making note of your schedule compared to your partner’s makes figuring out when you two might have time to have sex so much easier. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to have sex in this scheduled time, but it does open up the possibility to it. Also, your partner may spend the next however long looking forward to potentially having sex, which could help them be more prepared when the time comes. The anticipation of a romp in the bed can also help build desire and and add excitement! Making note of each other’s schedules can also help ensure that you avoid any potentially awkward encounters with roommates, work phone calls, deadlines for school projects, etc. 

Make sure you know what the other person wants

If you don’t spend at least a little time figuring out each other’s wants and needs in a relationship, including those wants and needs related to sex, you are neglecting a crucial part of relationship development and are likely not getting the most out of your sex lives. If you spend time devoted to talking about what you want and need in your sex life, you and your partner can find ways to get those things out of your sex lives and make everyone happy. This will lead to a more fulfilling sex life (especially if you are having sex more infrequently than you would like), and will allow you to get the most out of your sexy time when you can. 

Don’t get bogged down

This is important if sex is super crucial to you, but you and your partner are so busy that finding the time for sex is extremely difficult for you. If your sex life is more inactive than you’d like, it’s really important to not let that get in the way of your relationship. Your partner likely feels the same way, especially if weeks have gone by and your sex life has gone completely dark, but that doesn’t mean they love you any less. Life gets busy. Life gets hectic. Sex is not a time-sensitive operation, and often ends up taking waaaaaayyyy more time than you initially intended. You have to remember that your long-term partner still loves you, and while the honeymoon phase might be over, it doesn’t mean that your sex lives have to go with it. There are other aspects of life that just take precedent at the moment. But if it’s super important to you, see the first section of advice. 

Sex is important in every relationship, and especially in long-term commitments. Keeping an active sex life after the honeymoon phase has ended can be difficult, but it’s not impossible. Just make sure you communicate with your partner, and everything will be just fine.

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Jordyn White

Cal Poly '19

3rd year Sociology student at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. I'm a writer and editor for Her Campus Cal Poly, and I am so excited to be finishing my final year at Cal Poly with Her Campus! I love a good political conversation, so feel free to hit me up if you want to talk politics!