Let’s be honest here…college is HARD. Life is also HARD. I’m not entirely sure what happened but this semester is kicking me in the butt. Maybe it’s the upper division classes I’m taking or the various extracurriculars I’ve signed up for but I’ve been beyond busy. At this point, I feel as if the word “stressed” is my middle name (it’s not it’s Leila). I’m sure many of you are in the same boat as me and I’m not here to complain (well maybe a little).
Sometimes there are days where I can’t keep up, I try my best, but this is getting a little too repetitive. You could say I definitely have the winter blues because I am so ready for summer break. But, here’s where more stress gets added in. I’m working on TRYING to obtain a summer internship preferably in journalism or communications near the Thousand Oaks or Los Angeles area. I haven’t been having a lot of luck and finding a place to stay is another thing that is weighing on me. Yes, I know I still have time and need to wait to hear back from internships I’ve applied to, but I have slowly felt as if the time is creeping up on me too fast.
My assignments are coming in left and right including projects that aren’t due till a week later. I practically work every weekday and set aside my weekends for friends and calling family. I’ll just say that more than ever this semester I am feeling what it is like to be a college student. Struggling with funds is also something I’ve been facing more this semester as well. But, I’m traveling abroad, a part of clubs, active in church, and obtaining great grades on my assignments. So why do I feel overwhelmed, stressed, and homesick? I guess I’m learning what change is truly like; change from being a teenager going to college to a REAL adult working towards a degree. I’m going to be 20 this summer (July 31st) and though I say I’m ready to be in my 20s, I don’t think I am anymore! I don’t want to be an overworked adult stressing over money and the more I think about this, the more I see how I want to change the way I live my life and further my education.
I’ve decided to take two travel seminars this semester (to Greece and Italy) and I am absolutely thrilled to go out of the country for the first time. But, international travel isn’t always a breeze and I am definitely getting cold feet and imposter syndrome even thinking of these amazing opportunities. The busier I am, the more I see (exciting) opportunities presented to me that I simply just can’t do because of time or money, which makes me really upset. I start to compare myself and then try to become a people pleaser and do everything even though I’m only capable of doing so much. After all, my Dad said in a text to me this week, “You can’t be in two places at once”.
This is advice that I need to work on better in romping into my life because sometimes I stretch myself out too thin. Maybe that’s the real reason why I’m so stressed or the fact that I don’t have my priorities straight. I will say though that just because my social media looks like I’m having tons of fun and getting to go to all of these places, it’s not always like that. Don’t take for granted what you see online. To be honest, I was really nervous about sharing this article with you all, maybe it was my pride but I was afraid that whoever reads this would come back at me saying that I don’t have the right to complain or others have it worse. But, I’m here to say that my feelings are absolutely valid and I recognize what others are going through. If you are in the same situation just know that you aren’t alone and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just because it was a bad day doesn’t mean it’s a bad life. Change is hard, it can be normal and invisible. But, you can get through this period in your life if you put your mind to it and strive to work harder.
For right now, I’m going to be grateful for what I have accomplished and the resources that are available to me. I’m grateful for the community I have both at school and out of school as well as my friends and family. I’m happy that I have been able to experience fun opportunities already and still have more coming up that I’m looking forward to. I’m very thankful for my education and the current jobs and titles I hold that will help me progress in life. So my advice is to look at the things you have right in front of you, such as a house or place to stay in, food on your table, and perhaps even a car that takes you places. These can be taken for granted and if we try and admire them a little bit more, the days will get easier. Also, take some time out for yourself, I was recently told to do some self-care and I realized that I hadn’t done that at all for about two weeks, which is a shame. So don’t forget to take care of yourself, give yourself breaks, and enjoy the little things in life while living in the moment. Just remember, even though you’re stressed, you’re still blessed!