Quarantine has been a difficult time for me mentally, as it has been for most people, due to how disconnected I feel from others and the lack of motivation that I felt which prevented me from accomplishing any of the things that I had wanted to do. The most difficult part of quarantine for me was feeling like I was not accomplishing anything and that I was not amounting to anything. I am used to being busy and for the first time, I had absolutely nothing going on in my life. After school ended for the year in early May, I had zero responsibilities and nothing to fill my days. At first, that sounded like the greatest thing to happen to anyone ever, but it turned out to be one of the worst things to ever happen to me.
Having endless time on my hands did not foster any sort of creativity or productivity, or even provide a mental break that would allow me to recharge and get ready for the next semester. I thrive off of the stress and excitement that comes from having a busy life filled with challenging activities. Whether that means challenging classes, cross country meets, or pageants, I have always had enough to do. In high school, I was always that kid who did several AP classes, played sports, and was involved in multiple clubs, so I got used to the adrenaline rush of always having multiple things to do. Even in college, even though I scaled back a little bit, I was still taking multiple difficult courses and having pageant events on weekends and weeknights, in addition to karate and work. That lifestyle can get tiring, and burnout can definitely happen if you are not careful, but the opposite was just as harmful to me when the pandemic hit. For the first few months, I did not have anything to do that interested me or that I was passionate about. I felt pressure because I was used to feeling like I was doing things that would better myself and the world around me, and that would be beneficial for my future goals. Instead, everything I had been doing, and that I had planned to do that summer was canceled.
The turning point for me was when I started meeting up with my best friend from high school to go running, just like we always did during summer when we were on our high school’s cross country team together. When I started college, I did not stay in touch with most of my friends from high school, so it felt great to see her again. After that, I slowly started to return to my normal life. Of course with everything being closed and not being able to do everything I can do normally, it was a little different, but I managed to start seeing a lot of my friends, and even start dating again. I started to feel a lot better about myself and I felt as though my life was coming together again.
Quarantine made me realize that I thrive on the connections I have with my friends and that even though I am naturally a very introverted person, I do need to be around other people to feel motivated. I also need to be a part of something bigger than myself to feel that I am making an impact. This semester, I joined more on-campus organizations, and even though all of our meetings have been on Zoom and it is not the same as normal, it still gives me a sense of community. I have learned that the key to living my best life is being able to spend time with my friends and work towards bettering myself.