All of us women are told to do self-breast examinations. Sometimes we are told in a hurry or it’s just sort of blown over. Sometimes you have to ask how to do it in order to understand how to properly do a self-examination. However, what the doctors don’t usually tell you is how important self-examinations really are.
Earlier this year in May, I turned 25. I was already not excited to be turning 25 and on the evening of my birthday, I found it. During my shower, I did a self-examination. I hadn’t done one in a while, but there it was…a lump in my left breast. My first thought was to freak out and cry. I hadn’t felt this before and finding it was one of the scariest things I’ve been through. When I felt it, I had my mom and boyfriend feel it to make sure I wasn’t crazy or making it up. Unfortunately, I wasn’t crazy and they both confirmed feeling something as well. You’re going to know what your breasts feel like better than anyone, however it’s always nice to have that support and confirmation that you aren’t feeling something that isn’t there. So, what did I do? Well that was obvious, I cried and couldn’t stop worrying.
My birthday happened to land on a Friday, which meant that I had to wait until Monday to call the doctor. That was the worst part of it all – the waiting. Picture being on a really high roller coaster and it just stops at the peak of the incline right before dropping. You’re sitting there at the top, waiting for the drop but it feels like it’s never coming. That anxiety you’re feeling as you think about being on that roller coaster right now, is how I felt about the lump, just 10x worse.
When I contacted the doctor’s office, I was able to go in that day to see a nurse practitioner since my doctor was unavailable. Having found a lump, I put a dot on where I felt it, that way it wasn’t so awkward trying to find it under pressure in front of the doctor. When you find something unusual, it’s always good to circle it or put a dot on it so it’s easier for you and the doctor to find during the appointment. The nurse felt it and scheduled me to get an ultrasound and mammogram at the breast center for Kaiser. However, it wasn’t possible to see someone until the week after. Great, I just got confirmation of a lump in my breast and I had to wait a whole week to see someone else to tell me the same thing and if it is malignant or benign. I was already freaking out about the new, unordinary thing inside me. To top it off, that entire week I kept watching TV shows and movies that involved someone having breast cancer. I wanted it all to stop; it’s not like I was purposely looking for those shows, they just happened to come up at the worst possible time for me.
So flash forward to the week after. It was the day of my appointment to get the ultrasound and mammogram. I checked in and sat in the bright, cold and pink waiting room, waiting to hear my name called. While waiting I saw a young female about my age crying and pointing to her breast with another female. My head was spinning. What I was thinking at this point, was how young that girl was. I too, could possibly go through what she was going through once my appointment was finished. But I continued to sit there, anxiously waiting, praying for both her and myself. My name was called, so my mom and I headed to the back. I was told to undress top up and to put a scratchy, paper cover over me. I sat there waiting, cold, nervous as heck and just really wishing to not be going through this. The doctor came in with an unpleasant demeanor. She said hello, but definitely looked like she hated her job. She told me to lay down and she examined me. She said she definitely felt it, but it felt fibrous. Fibrous? What did that mean? Then came the jelly they use for ultrasounds. Surprisingly warm, it was put on the area above my lump. The doctor pushed down hard and she said she couldn’t see anything on the screen that was need for worry. After, she starting cleaning and putting things back. She told me it was nothing to worry about and I was good to go. I asked why there was no mammogram and she told me that because there has not been breast cancer in my family and I was under 30 years of age, it wasn’t necessary. Excuse me? Cancer does not care what age you are. Have you not seen all of the children who are affected by cancer? The doctor left without asking if I had any questions and told me that if I wanted to schedule an appointment with a surgeon I could.
Well great! I still felt at a loss at this point. I had questions that weren’t answered and I was still lost in my head about all that was going on with my body. Since the nurse practitioner and the doctor in the breast center couldn’t help, I felt the surgeon was my last hope. I called to schedule an appointment with the surgeon. Guess what, another two weeks of waiting for me. I find it absolutely ironic that health professionals encourage you to be proactive with your health and when you do, they make you feel like you are the least important person in line.
It was the day of my appointment with the surgeon. At this point, I just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. I was tired of waiting and I really just wanted some answers! I got called back to see the surgeon. When the doctor first walked in, already his demeanor was much more pleasant than my past experiences. His examination was thorough and after examining me, he told me to get dressed and he would be in shortly to discuss the lump. Ahhhh! I thought to myself to hurry and get dressed. I would hopefully be getting the answers I needed. He came back in and sat down in front of me. He told me that after feeling the lump, that he really saw no reason to worry. He explained what I was feeling and that it was completely normal. He explained that it was basically like a cyst that many women get. I was also informed that it’s possible to disappear on its own. After saying that, he asked me what questions I had. Wow! The first person who really cared what I was thinking and what questions I had. I mean it was MY body after all. I felt so relieved that I was finally getting the answers I was searching for. After my questions, he asked if I wanted to go through with the surgery and just take it out or if I wanted to just leave it in there. I asked for his professional opinion and he reassured me that he didn’t find it any worry. Yet, he also told me that if I were to change my mind at any point, I could schedule surgery to remove it. He also made himself accessible and told me I could reach out with any further questions or concerns.
So what was my decision? As of now, I decided not to go through with surgery. There is a part of me that is still fearful because I have this thing inside me. But the other part of me is trying to push it down and pretend like it’s not there. Yes, I still think about taking it out just for the reassurance to not have it anymore, but for now it’s a part of me. Thinking about surgery is a scary thing. This is my body and my sanctuary. Thinking about someone going in and defacing my sanctuary is extremely scary. However, if and when I do decide to take it out and I am left with a scar, I will remember how important our health and life is.
When this all happened, I didn’t want the world to know. It was MY scary secret and I didn’t want people to feel pity for me. I was terrified to say the least and if people felt sorry for me, it’d only make it worse. I only told my parents, a few family members, my boyfriend, and a few of my best friends when it happened. So why am I telling you this now? Because my story might help you or someone else and health is extremely important. I don’t think we talk about this stuff as much as we should and we need to. At 25 I found a lump and you can find one too, at any age, female or male, and at any point in your life. You just need to be prepared and proactive. So to start you on your healthy breast journey, below are some helpful resources you should take a look at.
Photo Courtesy of: Pinterest
“5 breast self-exam tips” from www.breastcancer.org:
- Make it routine
- Get to know your breasts’ different “neighborhoods.”
- Start a journal
- Don’t panic if you think you feel a lump
- Tell your doctor
“How to do a breast self-exam: The five steps” from www.breastcancer.org
“Step 1: Begin by looking at your breasts in the mirror with your shoulders straight and your arms on your hips.
Step 2: Now, raise your arms and look for the same changes.
Step 3: While you’re at the mirror, look for any signs of fluid coming out of one or both nipples (this could be a watery, milky, or yellow fluid or blood).
Step 4: Next, feel your breasts while lying down, using your right hand to feel your left breast and then your left hand to feel your right breast. Use a firm, smooth touch with the first few finger pads of your hand, keeping the fingers flat and together. Use a circular motion, about the size of a quarter.
Step 5: Finally, feel your breasts while you are standing or sitting. Many women find that the easiest way to feel their breasts is when their skin is wet and slippery, so they like to do this step in the shower. Cover your entire breast, using the same hand movements described in step 4.”
For more detailed information on how to do a self-examination or breast health, you can click on any of the links below:
https://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/testing/types/self_exam
https://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/breast-self-exam
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clOEgvgUxfk
Photo Courtesy of: Pinterest