In 2021, my goal was to stay afloat.
The start of 2021 was difficult — it was a new year, yet the same pandemic crept its way into becoming the new normal in our lives. I was dealing with the mental consequences of prolonged isolation, on top of new fears of what the future would look like. Throughout 2021, my mental health and levels of fulfillment fluctuated unpredictably. However, one thing felt constant — a lack of control over my life.
This sensation of feeling as if your life isn’t your own is extremely difficult to explain. I believe part of it is due to my pre-existing mental health difficulties. My anxiety made it difficult to start homework or to cope with my unrealistic thoughts. Not being able to do those simple tasks made me feel like my life wasn’t even something that was mine, nor what I wanted it to be. It was fully dependent on if my anxiety was going to be calm that day. It was dependent on outside factors that I had no control over.
This lack of control frustrated me — how could it not? It was my life, yet every day I was worried about not being able to clean my room like I was supposed to, or procrastinating on an assignment because I didn’t feel any energy to do it. However, with the start of my freshman year of college, I felt a lot more confident with taking back my life. I felt more control of making my own decisions and schedule. I surrounded myself with people and clubs that gave me fulfillment, went to the gym when I was feeling anxious, and reached out to friends when I needed help. I controlled what was controllable.
In 2022, I’m taking back my life, and I’m not only staying afloat, but I’m determined to feel alive. To feel like me again, like the person who loved to sit in the sun, who fully believes curating Spotify playlists is an art in its own, who danced in public because the song that came on couldn’t be ignored. I’m excited to have a year of making my bed, not letting my dishes stay dirty for too long, and making sure my desk is free of books piling on top of each other. I’ve already seen vast improvements — I’ve made lengthy to-do lists and have seen myself check almost every single thing off. I’ve picked out my outfits beforehand and wear things that make me feel comfortable, whether it be sweatpants or my best dress. I’ve been making coffee in my dorm room as a method of self-care (there’s just something so enjoyable about drinking coffee out of my little mason jar), along with saying no to plans if I really just need a night in.
All of these small habits are my attempts to take back my life. Of making my life truly mine again, and being proud of what I’ve worked so hard at.
While this may be a long answer to what my new year’s resolution is, it is truly what I’m excited to work on this year!
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