As someone with a type A personality, most people imagine an always-on-top-of-things individual who operates with constant urgency and strict schedules. And yes, while that’s true, I believe being type A extends to more than just behavior; it reaches into emotions as well.
Whenever I’m on a walk with my type B brother, he always tells me to slow down, but I just can’t help myself! Even when I’m not in a rush, I naturally walk fast. That being said, my sense of urgency isn’t just in my pace, it’s in my emotions too.
In fact, Merriam-Webster defines type A as possessing characteristics of “impatience, aggressiveness, and competitiveness,” which can apply to both behavior and emotion. When I get stressed, I get really stressed, and I’m told to calm down. When I cry, I really cry, and I’m told to wipe my tears. That intensity mirrors the way I navigate my life.
In the same ways I seek to be on time, to communicate clearly, and to have a set program to keep things running smoothly, I seek that structure emotionally too. When the version of important life events I created in my head goes off track, I feel it intensely. Something else is unfolding: my fantasy is replaced with reality. I lose control, and I don’t like it.
“Don’t worry, you stress too much. It’s not that deep,” my type B best friend reassures me. As much as I admire her for not having one anxious bone in her body, we both know I can’t agree with her advice.
For me, it is deep.
But why is that? Because I care, albeit maybe a little too much at times. What a blessing and a curse it is to care so much. On the one hand, it makes me aware and invested in the people and experiences around me. On the other hand, it leaves me vulnerable to anxiety and exhaustion.
Usually, overthinking is a result of caring. The connotation of “overthinker” is that we deliberately self-sabotage even the good things that come our way. Yes, we analyze every detail, question every tone, every pause, every small shift. We prepare for the worst-case scenario because, more often than we’d like to admit, our intuition has proven us right before. When the worst does happen, it reinforces the habit, and that habit can overconsume you.
Nonetheless, I viewed these habits of mine as something to be corrected. I recall a time when I was so sick and tired of being emotionally vulnerable that I wanted to flip the switch and become nonchalant overnight. It would certainly make things easier. It would subside my ability to care and feel so deeply. Luckily, my overthinking self knew I was lying to myself. Who am I kidding? I am anything but nonchalant.
I thought this was because overthinking and stress are indeed perceived as illnesses that need to be cured. When you Google “How to stop overthinking,” or “How to not feel stressed,” millions of sites and therapists pop up. I guess that’s because the people experiencing it, like myself, are searching for answers in the middle of those spirals.
But what we should be searching for instead is how to manage and minimize overthinking and stress. “Stop,” “end,” and “forever” are words frequently paired with anything we want to eliminate, but rarely do we see “acceptance,” “compromise,” or “middle ground.”
So no, my tendency to overthink and stress will never completely go away. Who would I be without all of my traits, both the good and the bad? While my emotions and thoughts can consume me at times, I’ve gotten better at moderating and learning how to live with them instead of fighting them.
In college, we meet so many different types of people. I’ve learned that if someone engages in something I personally wouldn’t do, something that would normally send me into an overthinking spiral, I don’t let it infringe on my own morals or sense of self. If they are capable of handling that, good for them, but I know I can’t, so I won’t be.
I try to remind myself, you can never miss out on something that isn’t meant for you. It’s important to keep your distance from triggers and stay true to what brings out the best in you.
So yes, it will always be “deep,” but perhaps it doesn’t have to be “that deep.”
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