During the COVID-19 years, when we were all going insane inside our homes and trying out weird internet trends, my Australian best friend and I decided to try “shifting,” which, in no-BS terms, is lucid dreaming with extra steps.
We wrote down in notebooks that we wanted to meet each other in our sleep and go shopping in Shibuya, then I lay my head on my pillow. I woke up to no best friend, no shopping, and no Shibuya. I’ve seen TikToks of people who successfully shifted and spent a decade at Hogwarts in their sleep, or went on tour with One Direction, or married an anime character. They must be lying.Â
I gave up on the whole enterprise of wishing things into my life. If it were something I could reasonably achieve, I’d just go do it. If it’s something that I have to write down in a notebook with the hopes that I’ll experience it in my sleep, better to save myself the disappointment. I spent my high school years limiting myself from wanting things badly enough to wish for them. What power does the mind have over real life, anyway?
Turns out, wishing has a ton of power.
This summer, I went through a painful breakup; the kind that makes you rearrange your entire life. I had no internship, no job, no friends around me, and I felt completely alone. Luckily, though, I had time. I had hours and hours every day to think about what I wanted to do once I got back to Boston for the fall semester, and not just what I wanted to do, but who I wanted to be.
My therapist had me think of all the people I admire in my life: my parents, my friends, professors, and even strangers I saw walking on the street. She asked me, “What is it about those people you admire? Their intellect? Their kindness? Their honesty? Their genuineness? Their confidence?” Yes, all of that. I wish I were more like them. And then she said: “What’s stopping you from having those qualities, too?”
I balked.
I never considered myself a bad person, but I always thought the people around me were somehow better. In some ways, that’s a good thing. You want to surround yourself with people who inspire you to be better. But in some ways, it stopped me from seeing that I am no worse and no less than anybody else.Â
What’s stopping me from having those qualities, too? Myself. That’s what. Not because I’m unkind or dishonest or a bad friend, but because I believed I was.
So I started telling myself, “When I get back to Boston, I’m going to put myself out there. I’m going to go after opportunities I want, because I deserve to see my dreams fulfilled. I’m going to tell my friends I love them, and they’ll tell me they love me too. I’m going to keep an open mind because curiosity is the cornerstone of growth.”
Lo and behold, when the year started, I began welcoming goodness into my life.
I changed my major, and I feel much more aligned with it. I spend more time with my friends. And where I used to be anxious, asking myself questions like “Am I being awkward? Do they actually like me?” I’m now more true to myself than ever. It feels like the tone of my life has lifted, and all I had to do was want it — want it badly enough to wish for it, want it badly enough to change not just what I do, but how I think. Because there’s only so much you can do, right? And the rest is your attitude.Â
That’s manifestation.Â
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