Leaving home for an utterly unfamiliar city can be daunting, especially when you’re expecting to share a shoebox dorm with a total stranger you met on Instagram. Alone time will be scarce, no matter how lonely you may actually feel. Uncertainty about everything – friendships, classes, career plans, identity – may loom over you constantly.
With not a recognizable face in sight, moving to college can feel like you’ve been thrown into the deep end of adulthood—and you don’t know how to swim. This was my experience as I made the “big move” to college, and honestly, it was tough at times. I missed my parents, friends, dogs, car, and anything you can think of. But, I wouldn’t change any of my choices for the world because all the good experiences have made up for the bad ones, a million times over. The best experience may be my living situation.
You may be asking yourself, “How can this girl possibly be enjoying herself in a non-air-conditioned, tiny shoebox of a room that lacks walking space with a stranger?” Trust me, it’s not as bad as it seems. Rather, you get used to the living conditions after a while and form a unique bond with someone you once barely knew.
So, where to begin? All good cohabitors have one thing in common: respect. This can present itself in a variety of forms. However, non-negotiable forms are cleanliness and boundaries.
Cleanliness is a top priority topic that needs to be discussed with roommates, especially if you may have different definitions of the term. Your room doesn’t always have to be spotless, and yes, it can even be “messy” at times. But this is something that must be discussed amongst cohabitators with respect for themselves and their roommate.
As someone whose bed was absolutely never made, and whose childhood bedroom’s carpet was barely visible from a pile of clothing, this has been an adjustment. However, through conversations with my roommate, we have both been making efforts to stay on top of cleaning our side of the room. And when a particular concern arises, we aren’t afraid to voice it to each other; we respect each other’s boundaries.
Boundaries are crucial, even if you aren’t usually a traditionally uptight person. In times of unfamiliar faces and experiences, it can help keep you sane. This is seen in many ways, like keeping your items on your side of the room or asking your roommate to have a guest inside before just letting them in. Remember, this isn’t just your room, it’s both of yours.
A good rule of thumb is, if you aren’t sure, ask! My roommate and I are constantly asking each other, “Can I have so-and-so in the room later today?”, “Do you mind if I play music?”, “Do you want to keep the lights on or off?”, and so much more. Through these exercises, we have grown exponentially closer and have begun to understand each other’s habits. Respect being the groundwork for our relationship has relieved a lot of anxiety on both my and her part.
I’ve been lucky in becoming close friends with my roommate over the first semester so far, and we have had an incredible amount of fun together. Rather than feeling like a prison cell, our room is a place of solace after a long, hard, grueling day of schoolwork. Respect is imperative, but so is humor, giving each other grace, and having a good time.
Although I’ve been so lucky to have such an amazing relationship with my roommate, I know this is not the case for everyone. Whether you’re indifferent to each other or conflict has arisen, the same rules, in my opinion, still apply. It’s hard to implement this if your roommate is not following the same line of respect, but, out of respect for yourself, still set personal boundaries and try your best to mediate peacefully. At the end of the day, if the best thing for your wellness is to find different living conditions, then that is absolutely the right choice.
Although cohabitation is one of the most unique and scary aspects of college life, it doesn’t have to be miserable, and can even be wonderful.
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