After a year as all-around challenging as 2020, it’s safe to say most of us have faced struggles with our mental health and emotions. Whilst we have a light of hope this year with the rapid vaccine rollout, the first half of this year will expectedly involve mental health minefields and social-distanced struggles. With the amount of stress and turmoil we’re all going through this year, it’s always important to take care of your mental health and wellbeing. An important method of nurturing your mental health is by setting your own boundaries and ensuring they are respected by the people close to you and by yourself.
It might seem like an odd term, as though you’re closing yourself off, but boundaries are a useful mental health tool to ensure that you are both comfortable and content. Boundaries help you communicate your limits and protect yourself from being pushed too far out of your comfort zone.
Communication is an important aspect of setting personal boundaries; after all, people can’t respect your boundaries if you don’t communicate what they are. Everyone has different limitations and things they are both comfortable and uncomfortable with, which is why it’s important to express what these are for you. Though it can be difficult sometimes to open up with your feelings, expressing yourself to a trusted person in a calm, safe environment will ultimately lead to a stronger bond and reinforced trust between the two of you. Suppose you have trauma or mental health triggers. In that case, it may be essential to you to ensure that those close to you do not aggravate this by mentioning a triggering subject or exhibiting behaviour you are not comfortable with, whether knowingly or unknowingly.
In terms of romantic relationships, setting boundaries for yourself and with your partner is one of the most important things you can do to preserve your mental health and happiness in a relationship. While your partner is typically someone you share almost everything with, it’s perfectly acceptable to have boundaries with them. Even in casual dynamics, it’s helpful to evaluate what each person expects from the relationship to prevent hurt feelings and miscommunications (for example, having the ‘are we exclusive’ conversation). Conversations about boundaries can also help you evaluate to what extent your values match your partners and whether you agree on certain situations such as keeping in contact with exes, boundaries with friendships whilst in a relationship, or what exactly constitutes unfaithful behaviour. Setting boundaries within your relationship can mean many things, from expressing discomfort with certain behaviours such as name-calling to defining what is in and out of your comfort zone in the bedroom. Speaking of sex, if you have a sexual partner, each person needs to define their clear and concise boundaries. If you’re engaging in any sexual relationship, you must clearly state your boundaries regarding safety, consent, kinks, exclusivity and protection.
Do not feel guilty for setting personal boundaries! Taking steps to protect yourself from situations and dynamics in which you feel uncomfortable is essential to take care of your mental wellbeing. Don’t let anyone shame you for looking after yourself. Suppose someone is unwilling to respect your boundaries. In that case, so long as they do not cause anyone harm or align with controlling/manipulative tendencies, it’s fair to suggest they may not have enough respect for you and your feelings.
To sum it up, personal boundaries are a great tool to protect your mental health and encourage healthy communication. Being open about your boundaries can create a more open and honest dynamic while protecting your mental wellbeing. Though it may seem daunting at first, setting boundaries will ultimately be a freeing experience and help you build stronger, more comfortable relationships with the people in your life, strengthen existing relationships with others, and ultimately with yourself.