We finally are at the point in this pandemic where there is a sense of normalcy. I know you’re excited. I am too. With vaccinations, masks and constant COVID-19 testing, we’re back on campus in-person. This means coffee hangouts with old friends, study hours in the library and going to indoor sports games. Finally! This was all that we ever dreamed of when we were stuck at home for months, living with our parents and sleeping in our childhood bedrooms, right?
So, why aren’t we happy? Why is this not as fun as I remember? Why am I dreading leaving my home?
The COVID-19 pandemic, while horrible in almost every way, has led to a societal shift that I am not sure can be reversed. We’ve learned to become homebodies and we’ve learned to be by ourselves. While quarantining at home had its pros and cons, we are now almost back to what life looked like before the pandemic. But why has the transition been so hard?
We went from online classes straight to in-person, with no preparation or guidance with what to do once we reached normalcy. It seems we were so excited to return to something we thought we had lost forever that we didn’t stop and think about how much this would affect us.
My return to in-person classes this semester has been rocky. I am supposed to love being back in person, but sometimes it is the thing I dread most. I don’t have the social battery I once had. I am exhausted by lunchtime due to having to walk everywhere, be active in class and drive back and forth between school and home. Hanging out with friends and going to club meetings sometimes feels like a chore because all I want to do is be in the comfort of my bed, watching TV and making dinner.
The attendance policies at Baylor aren’t helping, either. I am dragging my feet to go to class, pondering if I should get out of bed and go or not. If I was online, I wouldn’t think twice about going. I would just go. The constant stimulation and lack of breaks in the day are exhausting. The expectation that everything should be back to exactly how it was is exhausting. And I know I am not the only one feeling this way.
We call this a “return to normal” but in reality, it is anything but that. It is unfathomable to me that people are acting like COVID-19 never happened — that quarantine never happened. How are we supposed to operate in a world that expects us to act like nothing ever happened? That nothing ever changed?
My answer: give yourself grace. While other people may not be having a hard time right now, there are a lot of us out there who are. We’re just as tired as you are. We are just as confused as to why things are not as great as we expected them to be. And that is okay.
It is perfectly normal to feel like you are racing to catch up with life. This pandemic has clearly shown us that our society is at a pivotal moment in terms of work, school and social obligations. Just because other people around you are resisting that change doesn’t mean that your experiences of struggle are invalid. What you are feeling is normal, because this is hard. It is hard to go from nothing to everything all at once. It is hard to go from weekly phone calls to seeing the same people every day. It is hard to go from independent and casual study to being bombarded with assignments and deadlines 24/7.
You may feel yourself slipping, not meeting deadlines, saying no to friends more often. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay. While the rest of the world may be telling you to catch up and take things with a smile, I am here to tell you that you don’t have to. You don’t have to do any of those things. Don’t let the world trick you into putting yourself last. If there is anything I have learned from quarantine, it is that you need to put yourself first. You need to prioritize your mental energy. You need to prioritize your social energy. If that means not turning in an assignment, then don’t turn it in. If that means canceling on a coffee date, cancel it. The world may expect you to be everything you were before the pandemic, but I am not—because I know personally just how hard this can be.
Give yourself grace. Allow yourself to make the decisions you need in order to preserve your happiness and energy. This new normal is difficult and confusing. It will get better with time. But for now, do what is right for yourself.