I am too. I am scared of being alone. I have moments where I get so lonely, I get scared. I would constantly find someone new to attach myself to, but then I began realizing that this was not healthy for me. I began to explore what it meant to be alone.
There were those lonesome moments, but there were also moments where I began to enjoy life. I stopped focusing on others and started focusing on myself, what I wanted and who I was. I started focusing on positive thoughts rather than the negative. And I started living for myself, knowing that I deserve it.
It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. I enjoyed my life more and I began loving myself more. I wouldn’t trade feeling this way for my life before. And if I could give you any advice for those who are ready to take on this fear, it would be these next ten things:
01. YOU’RE NEVER GONNA LOVE A BOY MORE THAN YOU LOVE YOURSELF AND YOUR DAD/ MOM.
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One day, I was eating lunch with my friend and she told me this. It was a phrase that stayed with me even after we left lunch that day as I processed and reflected upon it. I realized that was really how I believed it should be for me right now. My parents have always been my best friends and there is no one I should love more than the people who gave me life. And in actuality, they always inspired me to live it. And that might change, but it should not change for anyone who’s not worthy of it.
I also knew this was how I wanted to love was the belief that I should treat myself as my best friend. Every value and belief I have rested in that, but I took myself my own advice. But hearing my friend put it into words, confirmed what I always thought.
02.YOU NEED TO TELL YOURSELF YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL TO BELIEVE IT
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No one’s going to tell you look good in that outfit to make you believe it. No, you’re going have to tell yourself that. When I started to look myself in the mirror and tell myself that I was beautiful, inside and out, I started accepting compliments more easily because they were right. No one was going to convince me I was beautiful if I couldn’t believe it on my own.
03. THERE ARE MOMENTS BETTER SPENT ALONE
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When I was traveling in England by myself, I would always go on adventures on the university’s campus. I would walk around thinking to myself. It started to become a hobby I enjoyed doing alone. And that allowed me to find other things I enjoyed doing alone. I liked eating alone because no one would joke that I am a messy eater. I like going to the movies because I found myself being more interested in the movie. I started believing it was okay to be alone. There were moments in life better spent alone.
04. THERE’S PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA
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We’ve all heard this at least once from someone when we tell them we broke up with someone. But they are right. And it also applies to more than those you are interested in. Some friends come and go as well. Some people are not meant to be permanent in your life. Sometimes things are meant to be, but they aren’t meant to last forever. And sometimes, timing is a factor. And if it wasn’t the right time, it could be later, but it also could be that they weren’t the right person. But just because you lost someone, doesn’t mean you can’t earn another.
05. LIFE’S A PARTY CELEBRATING YOU, OWN IT.
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The world does not revolve around you, don’t get that confused, but your own life does. You should start putting yourself first. You should be proud of who you are without having someone tell that to you. You need to become your own best friend. I became my own best friend when I started celebrating myself and when I started taking each day as if it was my day. If I stopped comparing myself to others, I realized that I was something worth celebrating.
06. IT’S OKAY TO BE LONELY
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I figured out that loneliness is not the nicest feeling in the world. Especially with social media now a days and the possibility of looking through your feed and seeing you ex with their new boo or your friends hanging out without you. But those things are shitty and it is okay to be upset about. It might make you feel lonely but try and explore why that’s bothering you. Why can’t being alone be a good thing?
07. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE
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If you’re like me, you take the world on your shoulders, but it’s not your burden to bear. I have taken many of problems of those important to me and felt guilt for them. But I have realized over time that I only have myself. I shouldn’t take on everyone’s problems, but rather,I should choose to approach my empathy in a different way, with less guilt. I couldn’t control their world when I couldn’t even control my own.
08. DON’T BE AFRAID TO TRY NEW THINGS
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Honestly, if you need to start small with exploring the idea of trying new things, then do that. Start by eating lunch one day by yourself or by going to the gym alone. Allow yourself to invite in different opportunities and accept that it is okay if those opportunities don’t go as planned. Don’t be afraid to try and let the new in.
09. THERE ARE MOMENTS I MISSED BY NOT CALLING MY OWN SHOT
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My personality has a habit to put everyone’s needs first. But then, I started to put myself first. What did I want to do? I started realizing that maybe I should make decisions. It has not been easy as I have tried to implement this, I’m always happy with how it turns out. I get what I want first, rather than tending to other needs before my own.
10. I DESERVE TO ENJOY MY LIFE
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Maybe somewhere along the way of craving happiness, I started to believe I didn’t deserve it. Who knows? But secretly, I do. I began to ignore and forget about what it feels to be lonely. I tried trashing thoughts and thinking positively. I started being curious as to what it would feel like if I took every moment in stride. I’m starting to think that I do deserve to live it however I choose. And you do too!
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