Why Carrie Bradshaw is Not a Positive Role Model For Women and Healthy Relationships Anymore

Sex and the city is one of those infamous series that girls can never forget. From Manolo Blahnik’s to Mr. Big it is virtually impossible not to align yourself with any one of these women at some point in your life. I mean on the surface they’re all successful, career-driven women with fabulous wardrobes and great taste in cocktails. But as I sit and watch Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte on my screen for what I don’t like to admit must be at least the 12th time, I can’t help but wonder – do I still admire these women?

When I was naïve, eighteen, and a fresher I remember watching these women thinking ‘that’s what I want for me one day.’ I wanted to be fabulous, successful, and confident enough to put myself out there and be able to date men at my own pleasure all the while knowing that underneath that I had my best girlfriends to lean on no matter what. Four years later I can’t quite say I see Carrie Bradshaw the same way. Why you might ask? Simple….

She is desperate.

Between chasing Aiden and Mr. Big, Carrie finds herself in whirlwind romances that essentially have no future. She clings to dating a guy in a mental health hospital, she tries to date her friends with benefits guy, she chases a 20- something-year-old guy with a tongue piercing looking for some kind of validation and she follows Aleksandr Petrovsky to Paris like a 16th Century wife with no regard for her own life or worth. Ultimately, it’s as though she needs a man in her life to feel some kind of validation or rush within herself. In the meantime, she fails to be happy for anybody who is married, getting married or in any kind of relationship, writing it off as women’s attempt to create something in their life because they were afraid of ending up single and alone. Could it be that she is merely jealous of the people who found love and happiness? Because let’s face it, to an extent she’s chasing their realities in $400 shoes.

She is Selfish.

Ever noticed Sunday brunch chat always circles back to Carrie’s problems? And no, It's not because she actually has a problem (so to speak). It’s because she is so self-indulgent, she’s not actually listening to what anyone else is saying but instead focusing on “me, myself and I”. Friends are not puppets, you’re supposed to support each other. Not brush off Stanford Blach’s new relationship because you’re fixating on yourself AGAIN.

More to the point, Carrie had it. After years of searching, she sought out Aiden and she had it. She was happy, he was secure and she sabotaged it for her own selfish gain. More to the point, she helped to destroy Natasha’s relationship with Mr Big and instead of accepting that she, as the mistress will always be hated, she sought her out in an attempt to make herself feel better with no regard for how her actions impact other people. Who has the time or desire to think about themselves so much in one day?

She over-thinks everything.

Will he call? What was the Nina Katz face about? Why can’t I meet his mother? Half of this woman’s mind is consumed by obsessing about minuscule details that nobody pays attention to. How do we know she’s obsessing? Because she feels the need to justify herself to everyone. The woman seeks out Nina to explain herself over a single facial expression. In all honesty, who has the time nowadays? If I had to seek out every woman in the world who had an opinion on me, I’d never get any work done…

She has no patience with men.

She is dating Mr. Big for a mere matter of months and essentially stalks him and his Mother to church so she can say hi. Then she has the audacity to be mad when he’s upset over her outrageous behavior. Last time I checked, coercing a man into meeting his mother wasn’t top of the healthy relationship checklist. And more to the point who would want to introduce you as their girlfriend to their Mother when A) You haven’t discussed that label yet and B) You stalked him there and made a scene in the Church like a moron.

She is the biggest advocate of self-sabotage.

She finally got what she has wanted for her life - a man who treats her the way she deserves and is willing to commit to her. What does she do? She throws it all away for the lack of drama and the fact that there’s isn’t enough wrong in her life to keep her column active. She cheats on her man and then has the audacity to be devastated when she can’t have her cake and eat it too. She ruined the only healthy relationship she had for the simple reason that nothing was dramatic enough to cover Sunday brunch convo.

She does not plan financially.

Yes, she is a woman of success with a column in the New Yorker, BUT she also has $40 000 worth of shoes and no place to live. Meanwhile, her friends all seem to have planned ahead financially. Now, I’m not one to judge with my current ASOS addiction but does any modern-day woman really want to be thirty-something with nothing to show for their lives, other than a load of size 7s? Frankly, the difference between her and I is that I wouldn’t guilt my best friend into selling her engagement ring to pull me out of the financial hole I put myself in. In today’s climate, financial planning is an essential part of living and Bradshaw does not set any kind of precedent for that.

In my twenty-something opinion, Carrie Bradshaw is merely a representation of how not to be single. It’s a demonstration of how desperation can lead to obsession and instead of enjoying the fact you have been dating a man for two weeks and it's fun and new and exciting, you’re obsessing over the fact he won’t take you to church with his Mother. Although she might be a successful woman professionally, personally she defines everything I urge women not to be in this modern-day life. What’s wrong with getting together for Sunday brunch and talking about something other than men?

It may just be that this is an out-dated series, but frankly, the other three supporting cast seems to strike a fair balance of the modern woman. There is nothing wrong with wanting to find a man, or dreaming of a big white wedding, or just wanting to be loved, but Carrie Bradshaw acts like a teenager with a credit card when it comes to men. She follows a neurotic pattern of excitement, fixation, obsession, and self-sabotage – and then plays the victim in a situation she is definitely not always innocent in. Whatever happened to playing it cool? In today’s world with women advocating for independence and equality, is a negative damsel in distress who lacks self-worth really someone young women should be looking up too? I can safely say I no longer do.