Need a toaster? NO. Need a toastie maker? Obviously.
The mad world of household appliances is a scary place and we may never understand the endless pages of seemingly meaningless items in the Argos catalogue. Instead of stressing over which kettle is the best value for money, we have idiot–checked all of the major household appliances, and it turns out all you really need is a toastie maker.
Toaster
There’s nothing a toaster can do that the oven can’t. Get the grill on and you’re good to go. Also, the glass toaster has yet to be invented, so we still cannot see the toastiness of the toast, which is a major disadvantage.
2 out of 5 Charlie Sheen shots (the ultimate drink)
Toastie maker
Everything the toaster is missing, the toastie maker has. It provides a gourmet experience that we all crave either at 3am or the 3pm lecture. The possibilities are endless. Think of all those fillings! Also: you can see what level of toastiness the toast is at, which is essential.
5 out of 5 Charlie Sheen Shots
Cordless hoover
The ultimate house appliance, there is no longer any need to bother with BORING wires when you can have a gorgeous cordless hoover hanging on your wall. You can reach all the desired places you’ve never even thought to touch with a hoover. The downside is, of course, the endless charging the hoover will require, but this is a small sacrifice for the pure joy of hoovering with a cordless hoover.
4 out of 5 Charlie sheen shots
Spiralisers
Just don’t bother, use a knife. You’re a Tory if you use one of these.
0 out of 5 Charlie sheen shots
Kettles
The underrated beauty of household appliances, a God tier item. Boiling water in a pan? We don’t know her, kettles are the only way to go. Whether it’s a cup of tea, a packet soup, or simply speeding up the process of boiling pasta, kettles know what is up. However, they are limited in their use, as they can literally only boil water.
3.5 out of 5 Charlie sheen shots
Ovens
A standard household appliance which is difficult to do wrong. Except of course, if it is a touch screen. We reject touch screen ovens, dials only in this economy. The simpler the oven, the better the experience. All you need an oven for is to cook your chicken nuggets (or plant-based alternative) and of course grill your toast.
4 out of 5 Charlie Sheen shots
Colander
A colander is Boots, a sieve is Superdrug. They are easier to clean and extremely durable. Also, they drain far more effectively, a sieve will never be able to reach the heights that the colander has.
3.5 out of 5 Charlie Sheen shots
Tumble dryer
Tumble dryers are consumerism at its best. They are absolutely useless, just buy a £10 clothes horse from The Range and crank your heating up for 20 minutes. Sometimes a nice eco-friendly option is good, but anything fancier than that is unnecessary and you are wasting your money sis. As well as being a complete waste of money, your house will probably burn down when you pop it on. Just don’t bother.
1 out of 5 Charlie Sheen shots
In conclusion, household appliances are important, but only the good ones. Like idiots, we have tried many an appliance in the hope of it bettering our lives, but in the end, all you need is a toastie maker.
The toastie maker: idiot approved!