Flaw. A word that’s thrown around often. But what does it actually mean? A flaw by definition means a defect, a fault in a particular person or object. I for one could point out all my flaws, physically and emotionally, yet would call those around me flawless. Call it a lack of self-esteem if you will.
As I’m getting older, and experiencing my teenage years, I’m realising just how much I care about what others think of me as a person. Yes, first impressions and personal relationships matter, but to what extent? Is the exhaustion of trying to please and impress worth it? Lately, it feels as if I’m just starting to wake up and come to terms with the fact that no, it’s not.
For years, I’ve been getting into an almost alternate mindset, one that I think would belong to someone else. In this mindset I think all of these negative things about myself; my eyes are asymmetrical, my teeth are crooked, and my outfit isn’t flattering whatsoever. Things that make me so insecure to the point I don’t want to go out, I don’t want my picture taken, I don’t want to meet new people. While, in reality, no one is thinking these things about me, I’ve just done an outstanding job at convincing myself that they are. It’s at this point where my biggest flaw is evident: I care too much about what others think.
So, how to get out of that mindset? It’s something that I’ve been wondering for a long time, and I’m happy to say that I have finally found some answers. Or at least I think I have.
1.Remind yourself that no one cares.
This sounds easier said than done, I know, I thought the same. But then I noticed something, when I pass someone in the street or bump into someone at the gym, they leave my mind almost as soon as they enter it. I haven’t once built up a profile of this person and scrutinised their entire being. So, it’s only safe to assume that everyone else is doing the same, thinking about themselves.
2.Find your people Friendships are important.
Whether you have found them through school, work, family, or even social media. True friends should make you feel comfortable and happy. It is with true friends that you don’t feel judged. They are the people who you can turn to for advice, and you don’t have to fear any negative opinions from them. Don’t let a random person who isn’t in your circle get into yourhead.
3.Find your self-confidence This is very important to live a happy and fulfilling life. The more confident you become in yourself-as well as in your beliefs and hobbies-the more you’ll be able to have a “can do” attitude and you’ll be able to bury the thoughts of self-doubt. Confidence will also give you the energy to achieve your personal dreams and goals.
4.Do what you love
Finally, put yourself out there. If you throw yourself into the things that you love, you won’t even have the time to care about what others think of you. If you like to dance, join a dance society. If you enjoy art, focus on your creations-whether that’s privately or in a group setting. Doing the things that you love makes you realise why life is worth living, especially when it is done your way. Not anyone else’s.
Caring too much about what people think can lead to a loss of self. You become consumed by this anxiety that you are being judged, to the point that you avoid going out. Instead of living as your true self, you’re focused on avoiding criticism and judgment by not standing out. This is not a way to live.
Instead, do what makes you happy; and remember it is you who has to live with yourself and all your fabulous, wonderful imperfections. Be yourself and listen to the only opinion that matters: your own.