If you’ve been following this series so far, you’ve heard of infantilising. When a person starts talking to you as though you are just a stupid kid. Well, newsflash; we’re not. Most of us are semi-well-adjusted adults just living with our funky brains and existing in a space that wasn’t built for us. Infantilising sucks. If you are a fellow funky brain, then I probably don’t have to tell you that. It feels so invalidating and so patronising. ADHD people are an incredibly easily manipulated group, meaning that we hear this a few times and we start believing it. Treating us like this, of course, leads to some other consequences, a prime example being sex. There is a fine line between being fetishized, and people associating you with ‘child-like’ behaviours. This can make sex complicated.
On TikTok, the autistic community have started reclaiming their sexuality. And since ADHD is like autism’s hyper/spacey cousin, there’s enough overlap to be important to us too. Creators are speaking out about their experiences, defending themselves and stating that they are grown adults, capable of making their own choices.
Autistic Heaven posted on TikTok last year saying: “autistic people sexualise themselves not to fetishize our disability but to instead reclaim our identities as an adult when the whole world infantilises us.”
Rainmjeden talks about her experience getting diagnosed when a NEUROPHYCHOLIGIST looked at her intake papers and said she couldn’t be autistic because “autistic people don’t have sex.”
Beth Burnhamm posted a video about wanting to take back her sexuality because of how often other people treated her like a child rather than the grown adult she is.
This, of course, is a big thing in ADHD people too. When you are seen as the “manic pixie dream girl” rather than an individual, when your disability is seen as a quirk rather than understanding that you are just as complex as a neurotypical person. Sometimes you are 100% in the mood, other times you don’t even want your partner to breathe on you, or at least that’s how I am.
Every brain has its own response to the world. Some are sensory seeking, and others are sensory avoiding. But most of us fall into that little in-between. This can make some people hypersexual, and others who just struggle to get in the mood. Either way, we are competent and able to make our own choices. No matter your response to sex, it’s okay, your feelings are valid, and you aren’t alone. If you are above the age of consent and in a healthy, communicative relationship, then there’s nothing wrong with exploring. It’s time for the world to stop treating us like children and let us be the semi-well-adjusted adults we pretend to be. Stay sexy!