Starting university can be challenging in a variety of ways, but one of the biggest ways is starting over socially. Being social at university is a totally different experience than being at school or anywhere else.
Between dealing with new flatmates, freshers’ week, making friends in classes, and joining societies, it can feel like every new activity is a social minefield. Whether you’re an extrovert or an introvert, chances are you’ll feel exhausted socially at some point in your first weeks.
Here are some helpful tips for dealing with the social pressure during first year
1. Introduce Yourself
Sometimes making the very first connection at university can be daunting. Introducing yourself to someone – anyone! – can make it feel less scary. Once you’ve said ‘hi’ to your first new person, it makes doing it again so much easier. On my first day after moving into accommodation, I took a leap and randomly introduced myself to a group of people who were standing outside. They ended up inviting me out for dinner, and then being a great touchpoint over the next few weeks! I would have never had the interaction if I hadn’t done the scary thing and introduced myself.
2. Remember, Everyone Else Feels the Same
It’s easy to get lost in your own anxieties about being social at the beginning of first year. Remembering everyone else is in the same boat as you (yes even your über-confident flatmate) is feeling worried can help. Everyone is just as overwhelmed about making friends as you are! It’s a lot less scary to introduce yourself if you frame it as helping someone else out as much as yourself.
3. It’s Okay To Call Home
Staying connected to your friends and family at home or at other universities can make the first weeks feel less isolating. Calling old friends to talk feels like a breath of fresh air, because the interaction is less stress. They already know and like you! And you don’t have to say your name, what you’re studying, and where you’re from at the beginning of every single conversation. Staying connected with my support system from home was really important to me to feel good about university at the beginning.
4. Don’t Compare (Like Really)
It’s super easy to compare your experiences making friends to your friends from home, or your flatmates. Seeing people posting Instagram photo dumps with huge groups of friends really lets the doubts start to creep in. DON’T let these comparisons ruin how you feel socially. No one talks about when they struggle about their social experiences at university, especially on social media. Comparing your worries with an unrealistic highlight reel can only make you feel worse. Remember: everyone makes connections at their own pace.
5. Accept the Awkwardness
One of the hardest things to deal with socially is when an interaction doesn’t go well. Not every single person you talk to is going to be a lifelong friend (or even someone you’ll ever talk to again), but that’s okay! Accepting that some events are going to be a little awkward will let these experiences feel like a little less of a problem. Don’t let an unpleasant conversation with one person make you feel less confident about your ability to make friends. Instead, focus on other, more pleasant interactions you’ve had.
6. Reach Out
This tip is important for maintaining connections after initial introductions. If you have a particularly nice conversation with someone, make sure you get their contact info! Then comes the biggest part – initiating another meeting! This can be as simple as making sure they’re coming to the next event of the society you met at. I have found that people are friendlier and more likely to reach out again if I take the first step and invite them somewhere first. This is the best way to start breaking down the awkwardness and making real connections.
Making friends at university is an on-going process, but the first year brings some of the biggest challenges. By recognising you have the power to do it, even if it’s hard, you can make it doable!