How to Move on from You or Your Partner Cheating in a Relationship
Sometimes s*** happens. I’ve seen countless couples that are totally and completely in love cheat on each other. Of course there are the narcissists that believe they can “upgrade” from their current partners, but this article is not for them. This article is for those who made mistakes, are sincerely sorry about their actions and want to get their partner back. Whether it was a drunken night or a laps in judgement, its important to remember that we are all human and mistakes are made.
Here are a few tips on how to fix a relationship after there has been an indiscretion:
- Allow yourself to be angry
It’s ok to cry, be sad and angry. After all, you have every right to be! But in your anger, refrain from saying or doing anything you might regret in the future. Remember, revenge won’t make you feel better!
- Ask for space and THINK!
It’s best to think about whether you’re willing to let the relationship continue, if so, you have to forgive. You’ll also have to think about how you want the relationship to move forward and whether you can trust your partner again.
- Talk to your partner
If you’ve decided to give him/her/them a second chance, have the talk. It will be emotional, there will be a lot of tears and there will be a lot of apologising, so try and find a private place to talk. Focus on finding out why they cheated and how it can be avoided in the future, don’t be afraid to set rules for your partner e.g. no spending alone time with a potential love interest. Try not to ask too much detail of what happened because you will mostly likely upset yourself even further.
- Forget but don’t forget…
It will take a while for the trust to return and to aid in the fixing of your relationship, try not to make your partner feel bad about the mistakes they’ve made, especially if it’s to manipulate them into following your orders. Remember your partner probably feels really guilty and they’re trying to move past their mistakes as well.
It will as ways be better for your partner to hear the truth from you rather than from someone else. It is far more humiliating for them to be told by someone else that you cheated, honesty is the best policy. Also, don’t make excuses, take responsibility for your actions.
- Give them space
Your partner will be angry, sad and feeling hurt, as they should be. Apologise with sincerity but give them a chance to absorb what you did. Be patient and humble, if they cuss you out, then take it because you probably deserve it. Don’t rush them to forgive you, they will forgive you when they feel like it, whether it’s in a day, 3 weeks or a year. In that time, also figure out why you cheated and fix it!
- Apologise, apologise, apologise
Once they are ready to speak to you, apologise! You can never apologise enough. Answer all the questions that they ask but don’t give information that could be especially hurtful i.e. say what you did but don’t go into too much detail.
- Create rules for yourself
Once your partner has forgiven you, tell them about the self set rules you have for yourself e.g. no more drinking with potential lover. Show initiative that you’re willing to change.
- Forgive yourself
You’re only human and you make mistakes. For you to be fully committed to bettering your relationship, you have to forgive yourself. If you are plagued with guilt, you’ll never move on.