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16 Lies Girls Tell on a Night Out

If there is one thing I have learned from going out over the years, it’s not how to cure a hangover by noon or how to keep my heels on all night. It’s that girls tell an infinite amount of lies when they are drinking. I don’t know why we do it, but we do. Here is round up of a few classics, and what we actually mean when we tell them.  

  1. “I’m not going to get that drunk tonight.”

I will be the white girl wasted by 10pm and you’ll probably have to flash the bouncer so he’ll let me in.


  1. “I’m only coming to pres.”

Fast forward 3 hours, and I will be 9 people deep on the dancefloor with 4 VKs in each hand, leading the “Cha Cha Slide.”


  1. “That boy I just kissed was fit.”

He definitely wasn’t. He may have been 6ft 3 and wearing a rugby tie, but I was likely confused in a vodka induced haze and he is actually a 4/10 with good lighting and a decent haircut.


  1. “I’m going out for some air.”

I am going home with the 4/10 and I’ll be damned if you see me and try to change my mind.



  1. “I couldn’t find anyone, so I just went home.”

I did my absolute best not to bump into anyone as I sprinted from the club.



  1. “We’ll wait right here for you.”

We will stay here for 5 minutes until Britney decides she needs a 5th VK and Ashley hears Despacito playing, and it’s game over. You’re on your own.


  1. “Yes I’ll have another shot!”

One more shot and I am going to vom over the bar, so I am going to throw this over my shoulder and hope no one notices.


  1. “My name is *insert any pretend name here*.”

That is most definitely not my name, and in fact, my name is whatever you want it to be, because I would rather pull out my own eyeballs than give away any personal information to this weird man at the bar.


  1. “I just met the nicest girl in the toilet!”

This girl just helped me zip up my dress and I will never see her again, but for now we are travelling to South East Asia together in the summer and I’m going to her Gran’s for Sunday lunch.


  1.  “I’ll get these drinks!”

I am knee deep in my overdraft, someone sedate me.


  1. “Do you need to pee?”

I need to pee, and no way am I going alone and missing out on an emotional chat in the cubicle about that Amazon advert with the baby and the dog dressed as a lion.


  1. “I don’t mind, we can go home if you want to.”

 Praise the Lord, I have been thinking about chicken nuggets and my slippers since 11pm but I didn’t want to sound like a loser, and now you my friend have taken the fall for us all.


  1. “I’m not even that drunk.”

I am very, very drunk, and likely near death.  


  1. “No, I haven’t texted my ex.”

I might not have texted him, but I have called him 49 times and left voicemails on at least half of those. And yes, I will also delete them in the morning so I can just pretend it didn’t happen.


  1. “Karen is a mess, I’ll take her home.”

 Karen you are a queen, you are my one way ticket out of here and into my bed and I love you.


  1. “I kind of recognise that boy over there.”

His name is Kyle, I stalked him on Instagram back to the beginning of time, and he spent last summer in his auntie’s friend’s sister’s holiday home in Nice.




All Photos: Google Images 

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