Whether you’re reconnecting with an old high school classmate or you met a cute new guy in your hometown, winter break is the perfect time for a new hook-up. You have the chance to hang out with a different crowd, you don’t have to worry about homework or tests and the start of a new semester gives you the perfect excuse to end things smoothly. Her Campus has compiled eight dos and don’ts to help you make the most of your seasonal hook-up!
DO Know What You Want
Before you start making meaningful eye contact with the Starbucks barista in your hometown and flirt texting old friends from high school, think about what you’re hoping to get out of your physical interactions this winter. Have you met someone you really like and are hoping you’ll become a significant part of each other’s lives? Then you’re probably looking for a long-term relationship, not a fling. That’s fine, but make sure your love interest knows what you want. In this case, it might be best to take things slow. Savor the chaste romance that comes with going on snowy walks or chatting over peppermint hot chocolate.
On the other hand, are you looking for a low-pressure, short-term hook-up? Maybe you’re exploring your sexual identity and want to experiment, or maybe you’re just hoping to find someone to kiss at New Year’s Eve. There are plenty of other reasons why people pick up winter flings. If you know what you’re looking for, you’ll be able to narrow down your vast number of suitors and find the perfect fling.
DO Explore New Places
The weather outside may be frightful, but you won’t meet anyone if you stay home under your covers watching Miracle on 34th Street. When you go out, though, take a chance and ask your friends if they want to go someplace other than the bar down the street or the coffee shop where the baristas know you so well they start preparing a nonfat vanilla latte as soon as you walk through the door. If you go to a new place, you’ll meet a bunch of new people who could be potential flings. “Sometimes not knowing the person makes it hotter,” says Liz, a collegiette from Syracuse University.
There are lots of places you can go to find flings. Samantha, a junior at the University of Hawaii, suggests looking for flings at lounges, new bars and bookstores. “Lounges and/or bars are great because alcohol will help keep the conversation flowing, and during winter break, these places are always crowded—everyone is home for the holidays,” she says. “A bookstore is nice because it’s a nice, cozy place to get away from the harsh, cold climates. There’s a huge chance of running into an attractive somebody to shack up with.” Make it your New Year’s resolution to explore your area for new favorite hangout spots!
DO Consider Old Flings
If your primary goal is sexual satisfaction, consider looking at your past for future hook-ups.
“Research has suggested that women fare far better in terms of rates of orgasms and oral sex in relationships or regular hook-ups versus short-term hook-ups (e.g. one to three encounters),” says Marie-Joelle Estrada, PhD, a lecturer of psychology at the University of Rochester. “If women are seeking to hook up over break and have a more satisfying sexual experience, the research suggests that would be easier to accomplish with a previous partner who knows you and cares about you, or at least a partner that you’ve been with before.”
If you had a successful summer fling, now might be the time to call him up!
DON’T Settle
We know you’re eager for a cuddle buddy, but if you get started too soon with the wrong person, you might find yourself in a fling you wish you could fling away. Here are some people to avoid:
- The obnoxious, drunk one. As Samantha says, “Sure, a fling is great because you can hook up with whomever you want, but if that person is loud/obnoxious in public, they’ll probably be just as annoying in bed. Nobody wants to hook up with THAT person.”
- The one you lie about to your friends and/or family. In general, it’s probably wise to keep your partner separate from your family and close friends. But if your friends know and dislike your fling—so much that you find yourself lying to them about how you spend your time—you should at least consider their objections.
- The one you feel bad for. Maybe you’re indulging in that kid who always had a crush on you in high school, even though you don’t feel the attraction. Don’t bother. You’re not doing your fling any favors by pretending to be into him, and you’re certainly not doing yourself any favors.
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DO Communicate With Your Fling (And Yourself!)
Communication is essential for any successful sexual experience. Period.
It’s important to make the most out of these short-term hook-ups. “General guidelines must be established when hooking up over winter, like no feelings whatsoever, staying overnight is a no-no and absolutely no friends/family involved,” says Samantha. Whatever you and your partner agree on, make sure you both want those guidelines and make sure you both keep to them.
Also, make sure you’re communicating with yourself. If you have multiple encounters with the same person, be sure to do a mental check-in. Are you satisfied and happy? Is there anything you think that you and your partner should change? Do you want to continue with this fling?
Another important question to ask is, “Am I expecting more from this than my partner is?” If the answer is yes, back out now.
“A fling should be a fling, and nothing more,” says Samantha. “If you start to develop feelings, end the relationship then and there. If you absolutely cannot bear the thought of leaving, make sure the person is within [a] reasonable distance to you. Long distance almost never works.”
Sophie, a sophomore at McGill University, offers a way to lessen the likelihood of this scenario: avoid ex-boyfriends and old crushes. “If you’ve felt something for someone, spending time with them and being physically close could definitely rekindle those feelings, even if you don’t think they will,” she says. “And the unfortunate likelihood is a fling with a former flame or crush will not progress into a lasting or real relationship, so you’ll probably be left feeling at least a little upset and may regret the fling!”
DON’T Fall Into the “Holiday Movie” Trap
Don’t watch Love Actually. Or Serendipity. Or The Holiday. Or any other selection from the plenitude of winter-themed romantic comedies. As much as we love these movies, it can be unwise to mix them with a short-term winter break hook-up.
The problem with these types of movies is that a lot of the main characters are somewhat bland, so it’s easy to identify with them. Maybe the romantic heroine loves dogs, like you, and maybe she has dark hair, like you, and maybe she meets her lover at a coffee shop with round tables, just like where you met your fling. The more similarities you see, the more you’ll try to convince yourself that you and your partner could potentially have the ideal Hollywood relationship.
Unfortunately, that’s usually not the case. If you start to think that your fling could turn into a romantic, long-term relationship, you’ll almost certainly be disappointed when your partner doesn’t make any grand declarations of love. It’s better to steer clear of stories that will tempt you to romanticize your own life. “You’ve got to go out and live outside of the movies,” says Ashleigh, a junior at the University of Rochester.
Over all, make sure you’re having fun! Winter break may only last a few weeks, so make the most of it.