10 Of The Weirdest ‘Riverdale’ Plots, In Honor Of The Series Finale

Much to every cast member’s relief, Riverdale is ending. The teen drama aired for the better part of the last decade and earned its title as weirdest soapy show ever because of its wildest storylines. Yes, even weirder than the Pretty Little Liars spin-offs and the whole Switched At Birth premise. 

It’s hard to sum up all seven seasons (and over 100 episodes), especially if you haven’t kept up with the Archie Comics crew. If you, like me, haven’t tuned in since Season 1 when the gang’s biggest concern was Bughead vs. Barchie, then we’ve got a lot of ground to cover. The plot has evolved since then, and I’d bet my life that you cannot guess where it’s gone. Hint: sex, drugs, rock n’ roll… and ritual cult sacrifice with a side of organ harvesting. Without further ado, here’s my ranking of the weirdest Riverdale plots in honor of the series finale. Spoiler warning: Spoilers for Riverdale Seasons 1 through 7 follow.

When Jughead indulged in shrooms and was abducted by mothmen.

The mothmen are an extraterrestrial humanoid species that have been hiding in Riverdale since the 1970s, according to Nana Rose’s illegitimate grandchildren. Jughead wants to investigate and begins a series of interviews with elders in the town to get to the bottom of the mothmen mystery. He doesn’t have to wait long to get answers; one bad trip later, he finds himself kidnapped by the very elusive creatures he was looking for. Season 5 had plenty of other supernatural content as well since fans couldn’t get enough of it.

When Archie dated his teacher, Ms. Grundy.

Season 1 started off wild with a romance between 15-year-old Archie and well-into-her-30s Ms. Grundy. The high school teacher and predator broke up with her student after Jason Blossom’s murder to protect herself, but came crawling back when she thought the coast was clear. Thankfully, Alice Cooper had Archie’s back and blackmailed Ms. Grundy to get her out of town and, more importantly, out of Archie’s life.

When a drug called Jingle Jangle had the town in a vice grip.

This sinister drug comes in Pixy Sticks packaging. The shady dealer of this “gutter” drug is called “Sugarman” and hearing Riverdale’s finest looking to score using words like “little straws of death” and “Jangle” makes it hard to take seriously. Viewers are eased into the world of “Jangle” in Season 2 and it’s a recurring plot point throughout the next five seasons.

When Archie fought a full-grown bear and won.

On the run from Hiram, in Canada of all places, Archie ran into a grizzly bear. We see Archie’s shocked face and then we fade to black. End Season 3. That’s all you get to see. Somehow, this chaotic attack that results in deep, long scratches down Archie’s chest, doesn’t kill him. In fact, in the Season 4 premiere, he’s back in class taking exams and bragging about his survival capabilities.

When Cheryl kept her dead brother’s body in her basement and believed she could speak to the dead.

Jason, Cheryl’s twin brother, is DOA. Fans didn’t even get to know him before being launched into the first season’s plot, but he becomes increasingly important as the story evolves. In Season 4 we watch Cheryl, unable to let go of her brother (who was shot in the head), store his body in her basement — then bring him back to life with magic and think she can communicate with the dead.

But, plot twist, he’s evil and tries to kill her, so Cheryl has to use her newly-developed pyrokinesis powers to incinerate his reconstructed, animated corpse. I don’t even know how to properly explain the whole Jason arc. You’ll have to sit through six seasons of Jason cameos to get the full scope of his unhinged behavior.

When everyone joined an organ harvesting cult for funsies.

Real question: Why was everyone so okay with joining a cult that harvests organs? It takes, like, maybe an episode, and not even that for Alice, to convince half the cast to get on board with cutting people open. Season 3 had no chill.

When Cheryl took down the leaders of the organ harvesting cult to start her own cult in its place.

Even better question: Why does Cheryl proclaim that the organ harvesting cult is evil, then turn around and create her own corrupt cult? She fully convinces people she’s the first-living saint able to perform miracles at will, AKA “the holiest of holies.” This is at the same time she thinks she can talk to dead people so she’s gone full delulu for sure.

When cult leader Edgar Evernever tried to escape the authorities via rocket ship.

The leader of the organ harvesting cult I mentioned earlier? He decided to build a rocket ship because he was convinced he could just fly off to outer space and avoid his problems. The problems being the FBI who wants to arrest him for harvesting organs. Season 4 takes the cake for funniest plotlines, hands down.

When Kevin produced underage tickle fetish content.

I think we can all agree this plotline was unnecessary. I would say it was out of left field, but I wouldn’t count anything as off the table in the Riverdale writer’s room. Kevin, down bad for some cash, decided it would be a quick fix to make fetish content to sell online. He made his bag and moved on. But why couldn’t he have just picked up a job at the local grocery store or even at Pop’s? Season 4 was cursed.

When the gang decided to sacrifice Archie to maple syrup gods.

Betty, almost pregnant with Archie’s child (sorry, Bughead diehards), is somehow all for killing her baby daddy in order to help the town thrive. On a Midsommar-esque episode, Cheryl crowns Archie Maple King and slits his throat as he’s adorned in royal garb to ensure good fortune for the town. This is after she manipulates him into having sex with a fertility doll while Betty is nearby so she can magically become pregnant. We’ll see if that works out. Season 4 might seem the most random, but Season 7 has legit everyone scratching their heads so it might be the winner for the weirdest season of Riverdale.

Can Riverdale get any weirder? Duh. Let’s not forget that the writer’s introduced the parallel town plotline. My money’s on the crew meeting their doppelgangers in the series finale — what about you?

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