For many of us girls in Exeter, the end of university life is on the horizon- a thought Her Campus is sure sends most into a state of panic. Although the prospect of saying a fond farewell to you dissertation screams excitement, the thought of saying goodbye to Exeter can be pretty daunting. The end of university means it is time to face the big, bad world and the end of having your friends from the past three years living (quite literally) just around the corner. For those in a relationship, the next year or so might prove a challenge away from the Exeter environment. But what will it take for your relationship to be a keeper? How can you determine whether you’ll be with your man in say, 10 years time? Her Campus have summarised the 4 fundamental factors that every long lasting relationship needs.
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1. Being able to get over arguments quickly.
This is not to suggest that arguing per se is unnatural- of course all couples argue. It is how quickly such arguments are resolved that you should consider. For a relationship to last it is important that both sides listen to one another. Every criticism should not be met with a screaming match or draining you of tears and energy. This will only lead to long-term resentment. In a long lasting relationship you and your boyfriend should learn to apologise and compromise instead of becoming immediately defensive when difficulties crop up.
How to improve this in your relationship:
Dr Neil Clark Warren, a clinical psychologist, suggests a couple should congratulate each other on successful and speedy conflict resolution. For instance, once an argument is resolved, try saying the following to your partner, “I can see that you really understood what I was trying to say about you not making enough time for me. I really appreciated supper tonight. Thank you”. This way, your man can see that you have appreciated any compromises or changes that he has made to his attitude.
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2. Having a good sex life.
This point pretty much explains itself. At the end of the day we are animals with animal needs. Your boyfriend is there to fill such needs and if he doesn’t the worry is you will start to long for someone who can. A relationship is unlikely to succeed if sparks don’t happen in the bedroom. After all, don’t we all love that warm and fuzzy feeling we get after sleeping with the man we love?
How to improve this in your relationship:
The best medicine to spice up your sex life is talk. Discuss what it is that makes each other tick – slower, faster etc…Stop! Not so fast!
Whilst sex is key, remember that it should not take over your relationship. A relationship won’t last that is entirely physically driven. You can’t let the emotional, intellectual and spiritual side of your relationship become slaves to physical desires. If your relationship is based solely on physical attraction, if the sexual attraction diminishes – what’s left?
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3. Your relationship should have the support of your family and friends.
Sure, your best friend and Mum aren’t the ones who are planning on spending the rest of their lives with your man, but you simply cannot build a relationship in a hostile environment. He’s got to like your loved ones and they’ve got to like him. For the majority of us, our life plan post Uni is very much a work in progress. The only thing we know for certain is that our family and friends will be there along the way. You don’t want to be babysitting your boyfriend every family reunion or nights out with old friends so it is important for him to get along with your network of friends.
How to improve this in your relationship:
Don’t just spend all your time as a pair. When’s your next date with your bf? How about making it a double date or inviting some of your friends along. The date doesn’t have to be exclusive; tables in restaurants can be booked for more than two you know.
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- Trust.
The future may bring long stints apart and new people in your life. If your relationship lacks trust then you and your partner will find these challenges all the more difficult. A couple that lack trust for one another also lack intimacy, respect and integrity. This leads to lies, spying, jealousy, and frustration and is without a doubt the biggest reason why people break up. Living in constant fear that your boyfriend will cheat on you is exhausting and not the grounds for a long lasting relationship.
How to improve this in your relationship:
You must try to give your partner your trust as much as you can. By this Her Campus means no unfounded accusations without clear evidence and no reading messages behind theirs backs. Actions such as these will only create a further atmosphere of mistrust.
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So concludes the basic four elements necessary for a long lasting relationship. But at the end of the day every relationship is different and knowing who you’re going to end up with takes the fun out of it. So just relax and enjoy your relationship for now – don’t worry too much about the future, only time will tell. After all, if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be. For more top tips about to handle long distance love, check out our handy guide here!
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