College is supposed to be the best four (or for some of us a couple more) years of our lives. It’s filled with new freedom, parties, friends that will last a lifetime, and opportunities we’ve never had before. But despite all of the fun experiences to be had, mental illness in college years is higher than ever. In a study done by The National Alliance on Mental Illness, 1 in 3 students reported prolonged periods of depression. Thirty percent of students reported problems in school due to a mental health issue. Fifty percent of students rated their mental health as below average or poor. And 1 in 4 students reported having suicidal thoughts or feelings. These numbers come from real college students just like our roommates, sorority sisters, or best friends. You may even be included in these groups of students struggling due to mental illness.
As college students in the US, it can be hard to reach out and talk about these issues if you’re one of the ones struggling. Your parents may not be listening, you may be scared of what others will think, or you may not know where you can go to get help. It can become one of the hardest burdens to bear. This is where your friends or loved ones can be your life line. If you know of someone who may be struggling with these issues you can be a huge benefit in their life. You don’t have to be a professional and you don’t have to be a close relative. If a person who is struggling with mental illness has let you into their world and seems willing to accept your help, you can do so much for them.
If someone you love has shown signs of serious mental or emotional distress and is willing to accept your help or guidance here are some things you can do as well as some things you should avoid:
Do show love and acceptance when talking with this person about their mental illness.
It is never your place to judge what is going on in their head or the thoughts and feelings they have. They may feel alone, isolated, overwhelmed, unmotivated, or even reckless and destructive. Don’t pity or belittle them. They are still a perfectly good person who is capable of accomplishing many things in this life. At the same time, don’t underestimate the seriousness of what they’re feeling. Mental illness is a proven medical condition that people can’t help, though they may not show signs of it in their everyday life. This doesn’t mean that they don’t feel any less lost in this world. What they’re feeling is very real and none of it is their fault. Also keep in mind that you can’t take anyone’s own mental struggles personally. If your loved one seems emotionally disconnected or lashes out in anger, it’s not your fault or theirs. Remember that they may be going through hell on the inside and the only thing you want for them is happiness.
Don’t be afraid to call for help if a loved one is in immediate danger.
If someone you love is in immediate danger of harming him or herself or another don’t be afraid to ask for assistance. Try to get ahold of a roommate or family member who might be closer to the individual and can help more immediately in person. If you feel like they might be in danger of committing suicide, call 911 immediately. You should take any plans or thoughts of suicide seriously. If you are on the phone or in the room with someone in danger of harming themselves try to stay as long as you can to find out how they are feeling and to get as much information on the situation before you call for help. Sometimes another helpful technique is distraction. If someone who has a problem with self-harm can be temporarily distracted the urge to self-harm or abuse substances can pass and that person can get to a better mental state.
Do try being available to this person when they need someone to talk to or want companionship.
If you have become someone’s trusted ally when it comes to their mental illness it’s important to be there for them when they need a friend. Yes, our lives are busy but don’t brush someone off who may be severely struggling. Try to give words of encouragement often and even if your time is brief when they reach out to you. Let them know they are loved and that you are there for them. Maybe if you can’t speak or be with your loved one right away, arrange a time in the near future that you can commit to spending a little time with that person. Sometimes all someone needs is a friend who will listen.
Don’t try to “fix” them.
Even though you may love this person very much and they have trusted you with a lot of their thoughts and feelings don’t feel responsible for this person’s happiness and emotional wellbeing. Think of yourself as more of a way to aid the symptoms than the actual cure. Mental illness isn’t something that is quickly or easily “fixed.” Some people will struggle with it through short periods of time and some their whole lives. The brain is a mysterious machine, so we don’t have a lasting cure for diseases like this yet. Recovery is in the hands of the mentally ill person. There is ultimately nothing we can do to “fix” the issues a friend or family member who struggles with mental illness is facing. We can just be there for our loved ones during their journey. Good times and bad. At the same time, don’t view this person as “broken.” They don’t need to be “fixed,” they want to be loved and understood. See them as who they are, and accept them with their mental illness.
College is one of the best times of our lives while also one of the hardest. As collegiettes we’re all in this together. Be mindful of the inner struggles of others and in turn others will be mindful of yours. If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts an important phone number to know is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1 (800) 273-8255. Stay happy and healthy collegiettes because so many people out there love you so much.