It’s officially that time of year again: holiday food season. Mashed potatoes dance through our dreams at night. We lose ourselves thinking about pumpkin pie during our 9:55 lectures. We stare forlornly down at the lukewarm dining hall pasta, fantasizing about our grandma’s homemade cooking. Catch us walking around campus like:
We know we have no shame. But the holiday season isn’t all about steaming sweet potatoes and perfectly tender turkey; it’s also about frowning down at the scale the morning after Thanksgiving, twisting and turning in our sports bras and athletic shorts in front of the mirror to see where those Christmas cookies ended up this year. How is one supposed to balance binging during the best time of the year and all the effort we’ve put into group fitness classes at the SERF? Here’s your guide to losing your holiday meal weight without dieting in eight easy steps. You can thank us later.
1. Stretch before you eat.
Simone Biles doesn’t stretch for nothing. You can’t risk pulling a muscle in your stomach because of its rapid expansion. You got this.
2. Do five push-ups for every bite of mashed potatoes.
Potatoes are vegetables… right? Drop and give me twenty.
3. Do a burpee for every cookie you sneak when your mom isn’t looking.
We all do it. Don’t deny it.
4. Do two lunges for every piece of turkey.
Hey, at least you’re getting some protein in there, right? All the major food groups are represented!
About to give up? Keep going. You can’t be the first to stop eating. It’s an unspoken rule. Power through!
5. Do five squats for every serving of stuffing.
We don’t need any extra stuffing in our jeans when we get back to school.
6. Do ten jumping jacks for every bite of casserole.
So… much… casserole.
7. Collapse.
Are you in a food coma? Are your arms burning (and not from the exertion of carrying your heaping plate to the dining room table)? That’s when you know you’ve had a successful holiday meal.
Well, that’s all, folks. I’ll leave you with this: holiday calories don’t count. Good luck.