If you’re in college, most would say that you’re an adult now, and usually we associate adulthood with having it all together, and being mature. The illusion that we need to have it all figured out by age eighteen is one that is spoon-fed to us by the media from the time we can consume it. There’s an idea that we magically get it all together as soon as we cross the legal threshold of adulthood–but this couldn’t’t be further from the truth. Early adulthood in real life is often characterized by stress, confusion, and lots of tears. The most mature and accomplished young adults I know are being eaten alive by stress, and are overwhelmed by their life transitions. They cry alone in their homes and cars multiple times a week. And I’m positive that this is the case for many more people that I’m not aware of. So why is it that we all act as if they don’t break down and cry? Why do we make people feel ostracized for going through a hard time?
Perhaps it is because we feel so much shame in our emotions. Once you’ve grown up, you’re not supposed to cry over small things. No one wants to be the person crying, or having a panic attack in public, because it gets to be too much. No one likes admitting that they’re having trouble, out of fear of humiliation. It’s likely that far more people than you realize have been the person crying in public – on multiple occasions. Yet we still feel embarrassed on behalf of our negative emotions, because we are unaware that so many other people are going through the same thing. The reality is that no one is alone in being emotional. And being unafraid of your feelings allows you to experience them without shame, and allows you to heal.
I started pondering the illusion of togetherness and emotional stability after watching Lady Gaga’s Netflix documentary. What stood out to me specifically while watching the film was how much Gaga cries. She cries often, and has regular anxiety attacks. She feels things deeply. Gaga is one of the most successful artists alive, with incredible talent and countless amazing experiences. She is a figure of strength and empowerment. Yet, she cries daily. And I doubt she is the only celebrity like this, even though she is one of the few who embraces her feelings, and isn’t ashamed of them. Honestly, seeing a successful woman that I look up to sob and have panic attacks was comforting to me. I no longer felt the pressure to suppress my emotions to be mature. I didn’t’t feel so embarrassed that I was still going through a tough emotional time, even as an adult. Whenever someone I know shares a story of their emotional hardship, I feel less alone. There is a lot of comfort in knowing that there is nothing wrong with you, and that your emotional experience is common, and no reason for shame and hiding.
Maybe we should all take some notes from Ms. Gaga and allow ourselves to feel our emotions fully, and without guilt. We need to stop believing that everyone has it together, because that couldn’t’t be further from the truth.