Dealing with a breakup is such a hard but yet common thing that everyone goes through, but everyone deals with them differently especially grieving the times you both spent with your partner. But you are not alone. Breakups can be a rocky mountain to climb, and it seems like you’re never going to get over it. But climbing that mountain and overcoming this challenge can be the hardest step.
I do want to say in the beginning of this article and preface that I am not a relationship expert nor am I a mental health professional. So I cannot give any of you legitimate advice based on what is “objectively correct” on how to survive a breakup. But what I’ll do is speak from my own experiences and provide some basic tips based on what I learned throughout my own situations, what has helped me, and what I think generally are good tips to help you get through your own breakup.
In my senior year of high school going into college, I went through one of the worst break-ups ever, and it was honestly the most devastated I’ve ever felt in my whole entire life. It sounds dramatic, believe me, I know. The relationship didn’t last that long and was my first serious relationship. I also had to put a lot of effort in to make it work, even though it really wasn’t gonna work out to begin with.
It was very emotionally draining, and I’ll spare the details out of respect for him and his privacy, but I was so unprepared to deal with this breakup by myself over the summer when I was supposed to have the best time before I left to go to Ithaca.
There were days that I couldn’t even get out of bed, and some days I couldn’t look at any of my sweatshirts or places in my hometown without crying. Some of you may feel this way, whilesome of you may be still processing that it actually happened. Whether you feel betrayed, angry, or any other emotion that we all experience, I can give you some tips and tricks on how to overcome what you are going through right now.
Tip #1: Accept Your Emotions and Take time for yourself
I know this one is very obvious, but it is one of the things that have helped me get better, which is just to cry it all out. But really taking a week to myself to do little things like going to my local Wawa or supermarket to get my favorite snacks and comfort food, build a Lego set, and really just take it all in. Breaking up with someone you cared for and loved for so long is a tough thing to manage alone, but taking time to grieve the relationship and to let yourself have every valid emotion you have is worth it at the end of the day.
Tip #2: Surround Yourself with a Support System
Debriefing with your closest friends and hanging out with them after they have been saying “I told you so” while also giving you a shoulder to cry on is such a comforting feeling. But having someone with you during the rough points of your life can make every bit of that pain go away as time goes by, and you learn to make time with your friends; start going to the movies together, eating dinner at the dining hall, or even just doing work at the library. Doing little things to keep your mind off of it. Strengthening your support system and knowing that they have your back is sometimes all the reassurance you need during such a hard time.
Tip #3: The No-Contact Rule
This is my rule of thumb to really get into it, and you’re going to hate it because it is not an easy thing to do. Thirty days no contact between you and the infamous ex. It’s so painful, but this is a thing you must do in order to really process the breakup, even if you guys still wanted to be friends. Here are some things I started to understand when I gave this ‘Thirty Day No-Contact Rule’ a try:
- How quick I got my confidence back:
- Initially, I started the process feeling like I had absolutely no control over my feelings, but by the end of the thirty days, I felt so happy and just confident of what I can do. It was like a huge weight lifted off of my chest.
- I realized how quickly emotions passed:
- This was honestly the first glimpse into realizing emotions don’t have to stay lingering. Making this powerful decision and being in control of them, I let myself experience the emotion as it came up (not bottling it up) and chatted with my sister or my best friend about it.
- The hardest part was just taking the action:
- Once I made myself commit to the “Thirty Day No-Contact rule,” the rest was just taking what came up as it occurred. I find that we can get caught up in wanting to make a decision, but not actually acting on it.
Tip #4: Get Back into a Routine
Getting back into your normal routine is going to be rough, especially if that person was a part of your everyday life. Whether your breakup is one-sided or mutual, ending a relationship is never an easy process, but taking steps into your normal routine can help. Plan your outfits for the week, get yourself the normal coffee order and bagel you would get at the bakery, or even just go to your everyday lecture that you find so boring. Taking these small steps can really come a long way when finding yourself again.
Tip #5: Untangling from your ex and finding you again
While you’ve been in a relationship, especially long-term, it can be easy to forget yourself when you spent so much of your time and effort in that relationship. It also can be difficult to focus on the positives of coming out of your relationship right now, but you can also learn how to embrace it this time. So, use this time as an opportunity for self-exploration. You could start to make little crafts, try new restaurants near you, or even plan a spontaneous trip to New York City for a day. Consider this the time to do those new things that you couldn’t before.
Tip #6: Handling a new relationships
Now I want to say that for some people, it’s tempting to ease the pain of a breakup by entering a new relationship. However, “rebounding” isn’t always wise, as it can negatively impact your new relationships that you’re getting into. So, please do as I say not as I do. Give yourself enough time to grieve and fully process your emotions before moving on. This can obviously vary from person to person, but give yourself time and don’t jump into anything too quickly. Breakups are tough, but hurting someone to ease your grief and pain of your old relationship is not worth it for you or that person.
Breakups are never an easy thing to go through alone and among life’s hardest moments, but they can also be turning points. By honoring your feelings, setting healthy boundaries, and commiting to your own self-care, you can turn this chapter into a foundation for growth. But remember: closure isn’t about changing what happened; it’s about reclaiming your peace and your power to keep moving forward. Take your time, be kind to yourself, and trust that you are capable of building a future that feels whole and authentic.