The FOMO Trap

Edited by: Kyra Handa

We all know what FOMO is.

FOMO has a weird way of entangling you into an overwhelming sense of emotions. The fear of missing out feels like a rush of excitement, mixed with a racing heart, anxiety, and a sense of alienation. At least that is what I experience anyway.

The strange thing about FOMO is that it can come from almost anything, whether it’s skipping a night with friends or lagging on a show that everyone seems to be watching. Although the source is different, the feeling remains the same: you are missing out on something, and somehow, that is a problem.  

So, why does missing out feel so personal? It rewards short term pleasure. The feeling of FOMO turns a simple reality into something bigger. I want to stress here that FOMO is not just limited to social events and the outside world, it can be a fear of detachment or falling short on something trending.

Instead of accepting that we wasted an opportunity, we wonder if we made the wrong choice and if that makes us less connected to everyone else. I know I have felt this way countless times. I imagine all the enjoyment I could have had, the conversations I could have joined in on and the memories I could have made. Therefore, I cannot comprehend why I was not there to bathe in all the fun. 

FOMO can invoke sensations of jealousy and resentment. Others are allowed to have fun without us, we know this, but it does not necessarily make it any easier to accept. We don’t want to miss the experience, and we don’t want to accept a “good” or “fun” reality that we are not a part of. Or, feeling like you are not important enough to be a part of.

Digital media along with media consumption makes this feeling more intense and negatively so. It’s one thing to feel like you’re behind on small things, for example having a goal to read a lot of books and then discovering someone had read more than you. It’s another to watch it through photos and videos in real time, amplifying the feeling of being left behind. This is where the feeling of alienation comes into play. You feel like you should be a part of something because it resonates so deeply from within you.  

Ultimately, the pressure to catch up becomes so overwhelming that we fixate on whatever we feel we are disconnected from. I’ve spent hours researching a trending topic, checking updates or consuming everything I can find just to feel included.

This extends to the people we follow online. When a public figure or creator becomes a major cultural talking point, becoming invested in their lives can feel like another way to participate in the conversation. What begins as a genuine interest gradually becomes an obligation to keep up. Sometimes we just don’t have the time. Trying to keep up with every trend, attend every outing or consume every piece of media can come at a cost, all because something feels more urgent now.  

So, how do we cope with FOMO? I personally don’t think this has a simple answer. The reality is that sometimes I don’t. The feeling remains uncomfortable.

A more obvious and easier coping method is to step away from social media and give yourself permission to focus on the present. A trickier method is learning to accept that not every trend or every group activity needs our attention or presence. Not everything needs to happen right now. Life will continue whether we are present for every moment or not, and it isn’t a negative thing.

One of the hardest things to accept is that there is truth to missing out. If you see someone partying and you must stay in to catch up on assignments or studying, the truth of the matter is that you are losing out on the party aspect. Here however, in the present, you are focused on your success and educational life. Life comes with sacrifices and you could be at that party, but then you sacrifice other aspects such as the paper you need to write.  

Although FOMO is something I still actively struggle with, learning to manage it brings a greater sense of peace. There is no single solution that will eliminate the feeling entirely, but small and intentional change can aid with the disappointment.

I remember a few years back seeing a post that posed the question: “If no one could see this, or if no one was there, would you still want to do this?”. This question helped me a lot as I reconsider how much energy I was putting into certain experiences just for that rushing feeling of excitement for being included.  

Overall, we are allowed to arrive late to a conversation. We can discover something long after everyone else has moved on, finding depth in what others may have already passed over. We are allowed to pass up on something without measuring our worth. We are still fully living our lives, even when it’s does not align with everyone else’s timeline. Ultimately, another thing that can be worth pondering on is: are you truly missing out on something essential, or does it just appear that way?  

• addiction
• anxiety
• college
• fomo
• social rewarding
• stress