Today is my golden birthday!
Every year on my birthday, I have this long, bittersweet moment filled with reflection and nostalgia. I’m sure you can relate.
And every year, I think, “Damn, I wish someone had told me this was going to happen.”
So, that is exactly what I’m here to do.
Here are 22 things I’ve learned in 22 years, just in time for my birthday on Oct. 22.
1. You don’t have to know what you want to be when you grow up.
I will graduate with my degree in less than two months. Can I tell you a secret? I have no idea what I’m doing with my life.
But you don’t have to have it all figured out at 18. You don’t have to have it figured out at 22 or even 50. You are allowed to change your mind, try something new and figure it out as you go.
2. The world doesn’t end when you’re 18 and heartbroken.
Your first heartbreak and high school graduation can feel like the end of the world. Spoiler: they aren’t.
The true friends you made in school will find ways to stay in your life, even if things look different than they used to. Some friendships will fade, and others will surprise you. Life doesn’t end. It just changes.
3. An ex is an ex for a reason.
Whether it’s a friend or a romantic partner, there’s a chance they’ll come back into your life. When they do, remember why they left in the first place.
Not everyone who was once a part of your story needs to be part of the next chapter. Sometimes, it’s better to leave the book closed.
4. No closure is closure.
On that note, things don’t always end the way you want them to. Whether you were fired from a job, dumped by a partner or dropped by a friend, you’re probably going to wonder why.
Read this carefully: Not getting closure is closure.
You may never get the explanation you want, and you can’t force someone to give it to you. Sometimes, you have to make peace with the not knowing.
5. You will never regret being nice.
I’ve never regretted treating someone with kindness. The interactions I regret are the ones where I didn’t stand up for myself or let my own frustration turn me into someone I didn’t want to be.
You can be kind without being a pushover. You can be respectful without agreeing with everyone. And you can walk away from a situation without making it ugly.
6. There will always be someone you don’t like.
You don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea, and they don’t have to be yours.
Wherever you work, study, party or spend your time, there will probably be someone who gets on your nerves. That’s life.
7. Standing up for yourself doesn’t make you “bossy.”
As a kid, I knew I wanted to do something in the entertainment industry.
I’ve worked my butt off to get where I am, and I’m learning to stand up for my work, my ideas and what I believe in. That does not make me bossy.
It’s funny how confidence can be interpreted differently depending on who’s showing it. A man who knows what he wants might be called a boss. A woman who does the same thing? Suddenly, she’s bossy.
Someone play “The Man” by Taylor Swift.
8. Trust yourself, even when it’s scary.
You know more than you give yourself credit for. You have intuition, so use it.
You know better than anyone whether an opportunity feels right for you. You know when something doesn’t sit right, when you’re settling and when you’re doing something just because everyone else expects you to.
Listen to yourself. You don’t need everyone else’s permission to make a decision about your own life.
9. Take the help that’s offered.
You don’t get extra points for making everything harder on yourself.
There are people in your corner who want to help you. Mentors, professors, parents and friends can offer advice, support and opportunities you might not find on your own.
You don’t have to prove that you can do everything alone. Let people show up for you, and remember to do the same for them.
10. Make those connections.
You never know which conversation, introduction or relationship will open a door.
Some of the best opportunities come from people you’ve met along the way. A professor might recommend you for a job. A friend might introduce you to someone in your industry. A casual conversation might turn into a connection you never expected.
Make the friendships. Send the email. Follow up. Put yourself out there.
You never know where it might lead.
11. You have to work bad jobs.
Not every job is your dream job. Some are just part of getting there.
I can’t count how many crappy jobs I’ve worked to make money while going to school. And that’s OK! Sometimes, a not-so-great job teaches you what you want out of your next one. Sometimes, it just pays the bills.
But there’s a difference between working a job you don’t love and accepting mistreatment. You can learn from a difficult experience without staying in a situation that’s hurting you. There’s always the possibility of finding another gig.
12. Learn to take feedback without taking it personally.
Being good at something means being willing to get better at it.
As someone working in media and journalism, I’ve learned that feedback is part of the process. Feedback doesn’t mean you’re bad at your job. It means there’s room to improve.
13. Change sucks, but it’s inevitable.
Here’s the thing: I hate change. I think it’s the worst.
Imagine my reaction when my parents recently told me they want to downsize and sell my childhood home.
I was terrified. I am terrified.
That house holds so many memories, and the thought of it belonging to someone else is hard to wrap my head around. But I can’t stop my parents from living their lives just because I’m uncomfortable with change.
Life doesn’t ask for permission before it moves forward. Sometimes, you just have to figure out how to move with it.
14. No one is thinking about you as much as you think they are.
Everyone is too busy worrying about themselves to analyze your every move.
Nervous about going to the gym? Worried that you said something embarrassing at a party? Convinced everyone noticed what you were wearing?
I promise you, most people are not paying nearly as much attention as you think they are. They’re worrying about their own outfits, conversations and whether they’re doing something embarrassing, too.
15. Stop letting the internet tell you how to live.
As someone who has worked in media for about two years and is about to graduate with a bachelor’s degree in the field, I can tell you that the internet is not always telling you the truth.
Social media is curated. People choose what to post, what to leave out and what parts of their lives to show the world. You’re comparing your reality with someone else’s carefully selected highlights.
16. You don’t have to keep up with trends.
At a certain age, keeping up with internet trends isn’t worth it.
I couldn’t confidently tell you what “67” means or explain the whole “skibidi toilet” thing. Seriously, what?
There was a time when not understanding every trend bothered me. I felt like I was missing out. Like I was getting too old.
Now? I really don’t care.
You are allowed to let things pass you by. The internet will survive without your participation.
17. Learn to stop hating your body.
Your body deserves kindness now, not just after it looks the way you think it should.
When you hit puberty around 12, your body changes, and you have to learn how to live in it. What no one really prepares you for is that your body keeps changing after your teenage years, too.
Your weight might change. Your hips might grow. Your clothes might fit differently. You’re becoming an adult, and your body is going to reflect that.
You don’t have to love every single thing about yourself every day, but please stop treating your body like it’s doing something wrong by changing.
Also, life is too short to not have a slice of cake on birthdays.
18. Learn your body, your cycle and your mind.
Understanding yourself makes it easier to recognize what you need and when you need it.
Pay attention to your own patterns. Learn how your menstrual cycle affects your mood and energy, how stress shows up in your body and what helps you feel like yourself again.
The better you understand yourself, the better you can take care of yourself.
19. Your mental health is worth the boring habits.
Sleep, movement, eating well and having a little routine can make a bigger difference than you expect.
And I hate to say it, but working out really can make you feel amazing in the long run. Not because you need to change your appearance, but because feeling stronger and having more energy is a pretty great feeling. Being able to carry a gallon of milk without struggling? A win.
20. Your 20s just suck sometimes.
Most of us are trying to figure out what we’re doing.
When I turned 20, I had the biggest panic attack of my life, and it changed my world. Suddenly, I was no longer a teenager, and I felt like I was supposed to know how everything worked.
How do taxes work? How do you find a job you actually like? How are people buying houses? Why does everything cost so much?
And excuse me, where do I get a step-by-step guide for this?
21. DO NOT MAKE PLANS WHEN HUNGOVER.
Whatever seemed like a great idea last night is a problem for tomorrow’s version of you. And tomorrow’s version of you is suffering.
That brunch reservation? Cancel it. That morning workout? Absolutely not. That promise to help someone move? What were you thinking?
Put the phone down. Grab an ice pack and a good bottle of water. (You’ll need it.)
22. Always forgive, but never forget.
You can let go of resentment without allowing someone to hurt you the same way again.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending something never happened. It means deciding that you’re no longer going to carry the weight of what happened.
You can wish someone well from a distance. You can move forward without holding a grudge. And you can remember what happened without letting it define you.
Not everyone deserves another chance, and that’s OK.
Twenty-two years down. Here’s to figuring out the rest as I go.