A defining part across generations of the college experience has been the ability to make immensely deep friendships with the people around you. Friendship, despite what the average solitude lover might say, is a way to know you’re not alone as you enter the milestone of adulthood. You’re able to understand you’re not alone, that you’re part of a community with the same interests as you, and you might even discover something special about yourself through the people you enjoy company with. Although the promise of friendships seems to excite many college students, including myself when we’re first years, I would quickly discover that there is a massive asterisk, like many other expectations of college life. I still remember during the first year of college, many people felt thrilled, saying that they’ll be friends with the entire batch or be extremely popular. However, by the time many people graduate, those close friendships reduce from a large group to only a tiny handful of people who they’re close to while everyone else is a calm friendliness that seemingly doesn’t budge further than a quick hello.
While I have occasionally encountered jokes where my peers say they’re either surrounded by dishonest snakes, or prefer solitude compared to the energy of a crowd, having personally desired to have a large friend group for years, I wanted to explore how I was able to gather a small group of close friends myself and explore how many others are able to craft their own friend groups. Is there a subtle art of making a friend group, or is there perhaps a hierarchy one should be aware about when making friendships? Reflecting on my personal experiences from the past, I could somewhat categorise how I made friendships into three tiers.
Apart from saying hello or the occasional wave to familiar faces while going to class, I find that one tier of friendship is being able to have a chat with the person next to you or opposite to you. I recall having discussions about not just classes or courses, but also philosophy, politics, films we watched, and even comic books we read in the past and what we thought about them in the future. I still remember one of the first ways I met someone in class was connecting via a graphic novel. A single discussion on a graphic novel led to me getting to know someone better and eventually sharing even more geeky interests, from comic books to animated shows.
While a single chat could be a good beginner, it isn’t enough to really go forward with a friendship, which is why I put coffee or any other drink on the next tier. Coffee at first glance feels like a romantic gesture in popular culture, but in an environment where campus drama and grades gets more attention than romance, it’s safe to say that romance goes in a different direction altogether. The ability to enjoy someone’s company endlessly, not just talking but sharing food, drinks, or even art for me personally is something I’ll cherish forever. I still remember quite recently the moment where I can simply join into a conversation, grab a coffee or pastry from the local shop and then sit and talk or if I don’t have anything to talk about, just listen. Sometimes amongst my art friends, it’s the ability to sit around and draw while talking about life and clearing the mind rather than a feeling of stuffiness constantly urging you to leave. The distinguishing factor between this tier and the previous tier is your ability to not feel overwhelmed or even rushed, but instead relaxed and truly enjoy another person’s companionship.
The last and I believe the closest tier of friendship is the ability to spend time with your friends in either your room or their room. The room is a very private affair for many students in a college campus and a sanctuary many students quietly and often politely respect. To be invited to not just chat, but even just joke around, spend a weekend, or even watch a movie or cricket match is a charming experience that I can’t forget. It was through this deep friendship that I was able to not just talk to people about their personal lives and share my own personal stories and upbringing, but also how I learnt about the massive obsession many have towards either cricket or nostalgic cinema songs. My love for 90s Hindi cinema songs, and my now emerging fascination with cricket and various web series will forever be credited to this tier of friendship where I’d spend the midnight in someone else’s room with a crowd of 8 to 9 people whom I can rely on and enjoy company with.
These three tiers of friendship for me aren’t unique, nor are they the only tiers for many people. For some, their friendship can be connected through their mother tongue. For others, it’s simply the act of spending a Friday evening outside campus getting food that is enough to make a lifelong friendship. While these tiers don’t sound invisible or subtle, it is the small significance and symbolic interactions that seemingly separates friendly experiences and can transform a relationship from casual conversation to someone being a potential crime partner, or even being the best someone at your wedding during karaoke.