Fighting the Feeling of Doom

“Live every day like your last” becomes an incredibly funny phrase when you constantly feel like your life will come crashing down at any moment. The spring semester of my freshman year was the worst I have felt mentally in a while. Every day I was waiting for the other shoe to drop or for my laptop to explode with how much homework I was doing. I would wake up with anxiety and go to bed feeling just the same. Spring semester lasted 105 days (including all the breaks), and nearly every one of those days had me wishing I was seven years old again, where my biggest issue was trying to spell the word water. The first three weeks I was home, I was unable to sleep because I would wake up in the middle of the night and attempt to do homework that wasn’t there. I would open Canvas and freak out when I had no access to my classes and had to remind myself that it was summer and I should be sleeping. Every day, and eventually every night, felt like Doomsday. 

So, how does one exactly handle this feeling of impending doom? By no means am I a psychologist, nor have I ever taken a psychology class. I was never one to find the advice I was usually given to be helpful. It’s always “talk about your feelings,” or “meditate,” or “look in the mirror and give yourself praise.” By no means am I claiming that this advice will work for everyone, but it happened to have worked for me. In order for me to lessen this feeling of dread, I did the following:

1. Complain about the situation
2. Blame something or someone else (you’re not allowed to blame yourself here)
3. Wish for something better/easier
4. Imagine worse outcomes than what I had
5. Be grateful I don’t have those worse outcomes (usually the time where you reflect on the great things you do have)
6. Sweat it out (options vary)
7. Rinse and repeat

I have always claimed that I am not a quitter; I am a complainer. Complaining is a step up from talking about your feelings because complaining can rally people to your side. When you complain, you are able to identify the outside factors that made you feel this way in the first place. Those outside factors can affect anyone, so while talking about your feelings asks people to step into your shoes, complaining asks them to imagine themselves in their own future shoes. It gives people the opportunity to recognize that what you are experiencing could one day happen to them.

Those outside factors are shifts of blame. So steps 1 and 2 are intertwined to some degree. Blaming someone or something in this instance only works if you keep your thoughts between you and your friends. Throwing blame around softens the blow on yourself. And when you give yourself a little grace, life becomes easier to tolerate because some things are just out of your control. 

While you’re complaining and blaming someone or something else, it’s always good to think about how your life would be different if you had something better. In my instance, I always wished I had better professors who didn’t assign so much homework every week. I would constantly say, “My life would feel more tolerable if only I had a professor who prioritized teaching rather than assigning homework.” I complained, threw blame, and wished for something better. It’s okay to imagine yourself in an easier life, especially since your impending feeling of doom has taken away so much of your happiness. 

When the feeling of dread became too apparent, I would often force myself to change my perspective on the situation. I would tell myself “it could always be worse.” I could have failed all my classes. I could have lost all my friends. I could have lost all my hair. But none of those things happen. Sometimes thinking negatively will have you thinking positively.

You can compare my ideology of getting over this feeling of impending doom to the five stages of grief. Towards the end, there is some level of acceptance and reflection. When I would put myself in the headspace that life could be worse, I do start thinking about all the things I do have. Spring semester I was able to make time to do the things that I enjoyed. I went to the gym 6x a week, and I tried out The Bagel Nook in Princeton. I had four successful Brandy Melville trips and read 7 books. I got closer to my now suite mates, and we’re in the process of looking for houses for junior year. Those difficult times made me grateful for the support my parents would always give me. Accept and expect the feeling of doom, but also accept and expect the things that bring you peace.

Now we sweat it out. My go-to was walking on the treadmill for an hour and a half and listening to music or doom scrolling on TikTok. I would go in the morning or the evening, depending on what my day looked like. It put me in a better headspace, knowing I was able to take some time to myself. Whenever I think about this step, I always think about all the dancing my friends and I did at parties. I would come home exhausted but happy. So get a little exercise in when you can. It may be a walk or a quick pump in the gym. But moving your body away from the stressor was the most effective strategy in defeating that feeling of impending doom.

I repeat these steps whenever I need to. Sometimes I do more steps than others, and sometimes I do them out of order. To this day I still have moments when I get that feeling of dread, but this time it isn’t so permanent. Although it has only been 9 months since I began having those feelings, a lot of me has changed. My priorities have shifted, my behavior towards school has changed, and I am trying to be less hard on myself when it comes to my grades.

I like to think that Doomsday approaches faster whenever I give it piece of mind. But besides writing this article, I have kept this feeling at bay by focusing on the people and things that make me happy. Soon you will figure out that Doomsday will almost never come. And if by some chance it does, I’ll complain about it, blame someone else, and sweat it out a million times over. 

• #stress
• college
• mental health